The opinions contained within are mine and do not
necessarily express the opinions of other Sonic fans. With that stated, prepare
to have this issue lightly toasted.
The cover is a picture of Sonic in a dramatic pose, looking pissed as he dodges
beams of yellow light. The caption at the bottom states NOWHERE TO RUN!
Not a horrible cover, and yet, it really has nothing to do with the story, esp
the caption. Sonic had quite a bit of places to run. But I digress...
The first page starts with five panels, the first one starting with an extreme
close-up of Nack's overlarge tooth. It zooms out to eventually show Nack's
whole body as he talks to an unseen person about assassinating a 'very very
important public figure'. Permit me to gag at the notion of this particular
person (revealed later) being an 'important public figure'. Nack will receive
50 rare gemstones if he kills this person, which means sneaking into the
The title page is next with an ugly close-up of Eggman's face as he says
"Bingo.'
"SONGOOSE. PART 1 OF 2'
Written by Karl Bollers, penciled by Ron Lim.
Kingdom Acorn:
Sonic is fighting Espio and the rest of the Freedom Fighters are battling as
Sally and Antoine's dad stand on a balcony and observe. Sally states that the
battle practice is a great idea. She says she wants to reinforce team work
after the mission in #152. Which doesn’t make too much sense, since Sonic and
the girls basically got along quite well in the last issue. Whatever.
Sally: 'This should help with any aggression. Considering any inappropriate
behavior that could hurt the team.*"
The little explanation box says: Check out Sonic 150-151 for all the
inappropriate-ness. Ok, I'm way too lazy to check out those issues, so someone
else will have to explain what was so inappropriate.Whatever.
Anyway....
The General states that Sonic is a great warrior but he may never grow up.
Sally says that Ant's grown up quickly so maybe there's hope for Sonic. Um,
last I checked 'Antoine' (really EBIL-Ant, as we know, but Sally doesn’t) was a
total asshole. But hey, if Sally wants Sonic to 'grow up' to be the same way,
who am I to judge?
The General states that Ant grew up too fast and he's become cold.
He says he hoped Sally and Ant would've gotten together but knows he sees Ant
is not right for her and he's sorry about any pressure he put on them. Then he
coughs which concerns Sally. Apparently the General's health has been on the
decline.
The monitor behind them lights up suddenly as a transmission from the King and
Queen comes through. Max tactlessly states that 'I thought I looked bad. Old
friend, you look far worse.' Thanks Max, for letting the General know that.
It's always good to hear that you look like shit.
Alicia says they may cut the tour short unless there's improvement in the
General's (?) health. Or theirs, maybe, since Alicia and Max apparently are
sick too.
The explanation box states that Max and Alicia are on tour to build support
against Dr Robotnik! Exactly how much support do they need against that clown?
Maybe they should've been thinking about bringing Eggman down before turning
Knothole into a freaking city and building a huge gaudy castle in the middle of
it. But hey. Priorities are priorities!
-insert ad here-
The General says Quack thinks they (they who?) might have been poisoned on the
battlefield years ago and it's only now taking effect. I don't really know what
he's talking about. Sally expresses concern for her parents who are sharing the
General's symptoms. Max shows his assholish-nes by yelling at Sally.
"YOU of all people know that we must put the kingdom before
ourselves."
Ouch. Geez, dad, she was just worried about you.
Alicia chastises him by saying "YOU of all people should know that
incapacitated is no use to anyone' because as we know, Max was once in a
wheelchair. Yep, all you cripples out there are useless, you hear?
Max's legs have been feeling weak. Nothing to be concerned with.
The General begins to cough again, so severely that he topples off the balcony.
What happened to him, who knows, as the scene cuts.
-insert ad here-
Bunnie, Amy, Sonic, Tails and Fiona are walking along outside, talking about
Antoine. Good ole Ant didn't seem very worried about his father, he only wanted
to know how the practice battle went.
The group passes a large billboard stating:
Don't miss Mina the Songoose. In Concert Two Nights Only
Sonic: I still can't get over how Mina went from shy babysitter to pop star
mega-sensation!
Yep, that's how we know Doc Eggman is a total moron; Knothole has time to
idolize pop stars and throw concerts. LOL
Tails nervously begins to ask Fiona if she wants to go to the concert with him,
but Sonic interrupts, hoping to save Tails' from rejection. He suggests they
all go together.
-insert ad here X 3-
Tails says that sounds great, while looking somewhat disgruntled. Sonic and
Fiona walk off together. Sonic says Tails respects her; Fiona counters by
saying Sonic should have thought of respect before. She's still sore over EBIL
Sonic making a move on her, I guess. She tells a brief sob story, ending by
calling Sonic selfish.
Later that night, Mina greets the group backstage. She's wearing a purple and
black tanktop and a matching skirt and boots. Cute. Though I still hate her
gloves. She and Sonic joke and she hugs him.
Ash the asswad comes out looking pissy as usual. He reminds me of those
boy-band singers, the ones who are supposed to be the 'tough guy' of the group.
Mina introduces him as her boyfriend 'and her manager' he adds loftily, then he
ushers his gal out onto the stage. Sonic wonders what his problem is.
Soon, Mina is singing to the crowd. I'm a bit perplexed by the palm trees and
lake in the background. I'm guessing this isn't Knothole, Dorothy.
Mina sings a song with silly lyrics...hell, let's have them:
'Beautiful baby, don't hold me down
Isn't it wonderful when loves comes to town
It seems that promises can never be broken
I must be out of my mind, jokin'
Or baby you're out of the blue (-insert ad here-)
we'll take the good times
and smash the bad times into pieces
You keep me hoping and now I'm roped in
You've given me something
You've given me something real good-'
Man, that looks even worse on screen. Wow.
Anyway, as Mina reaches the last lines of her 'sinister dirge', Nack, dressed
in glasses and trenchcoat, moves through the crowd. He pulls a small laser
pistol from his coat, takes aim at Mina....
(the very very important public figure, remember?! Because pop idols are
super-duper important! We know the world would end if Britney Spears ever
snuffed it.)
I'm dismayed to say that Nack misses.
Now, now before you all jump me...let me explain. I would never EVER want our
lovely Mina shot! Shame on you for thinking that!
It's just that...this is NACK. Unsavory thief, merc, bounty-hunter....a man
that surely knows how to use a gun! Not only does he miss the Songoose, his
shot clears her by what looks like a good ten feet, and strikes the top of a
palm tree near the stage!
Way to go, Nack. YOU SUCK! (*dodges blows from Jim Doe* (Note: Jim is a pal who
likes Nack a whole lot)
Mina screeches in horror. Sonic runs to her and Ash emerges from backstage,
looking shocked.
Nack stupidly chucks the trenchcoat and takes off. Not a wise idea as he's
clearly revealed as the crowd scatters.
Sonic engages in a silly internal debate about staying to put out the fire or
chasing down Nack...well, why don't you do both...you are 'the fastest thing
alive', aren't you? Bunnie solves his dilemma by tackling the fire; she kicks
the tree down so that it splashes into the nearby lake.
Nack is glad he's not being followed. Sorry, hon. Sonic appears in front of him
and *WHAM*. Nack's out cold. He didn't even get a blow in! Not to mention,
there was absolutely no Sonic dodging various laser beams as shown on the
cover. Oh, Jim's not going to like this...
-insert ad here- The Batman activity book and contest! EXCITING PAGES AHEAD! We
have a rules page, a Batman matching game, a coloring page, a word search, and
a 'draw from the grid', a prize page, and finally an ad advertising Batman
But that's not enough pages of ads, we have to have a Yu-Gi-Oh ad before
getting back to this really lame Sonic story.
Nack wakes up with a groan. He's in a jail cell. Picked just for him, according
to Sally. How thoughtful. Sonic says that Nack's gonna be in there for a long
time. Unless he tells why he tried to kill Mina. Nack scoffs. Why should he
sell out his employer and ruin his credibility, when he can relax in jail and
get 3 meals a day?
Sally points outside the cell, where Nack's cronies from the 'Heart held
Hostage' issue are lifting weights. Unless Nack talks, he gets to be thrown in
with them, and I guess they're not too happy about being in prison while Nack's
out free. Do I smell kinky weasel sex in the shower with dropped soap? SWEET.
Nack immediately says 'Eggman.' Sonic thinks he's lying. Sally asks why Eggy
would want Mina dead...
Well here's the answer, and boy is it a doozy...
One fine day, the terror of Mobius, Eggman was cheerfully browsing radio
stations. He happened upon a lovely tune by Mina and clapped his hands to his
ears in horror!
Best line in this issue EVER: "...It was the *worst thing he'd ever heard
in his life!*
From that moment now, the tyrant of Eggy-ville banned Mina-related items in his
realm. SWATbots built large fires in which the offensive material was tossed,
and robots danced naked around the flames. Oh, those were happy times. It was
said even Eggman joined in the dancing, but nobody has lived to affirm that.
But alas, even though Mina merchandise was in flames, Eggman's torment
continued! The screeching voice of the mongoose stayed in his head. It tortured
him. Eggman drank, he swore. He pounded the walls in desperation. Distractions,
such as phone sex with ADAM, had no effect. The great tyrant was reduced to a
whimpering mess, cowering in bed with a pillow over his head, crying and
weeping as the song echoed in the interior of his skull.
And that, Nack finishes, is why Eggman sought to silence the Songoose.
Sonic: Well, Newsflash: You didn't.
Nack: Yeah, I'm a lousy shot, even though I regularly carry guns. Hey what can
I say, her song threw me off balance too. I see what Eggman means. The fat guy
is usually full of it, but man, was he on the mark this time! Too bad I wasn't.
But...dun dun dun...Nack's failure will not deter Eggman. No, he will have Mina
dead, at any cost.
In the throne room:
Ash the boy-band singer squawks that Sally can't be serious! The Princess has
just announced that the Freedom Fighters will replace Mina's bodyguards for the
remainder of the concert. Because they don't have anything else to do, you
know, like fighting Eggman and stuff.
Ash (pointing to Sonic): What can he do that our regular bodyguards can't?
Sonic: Uhh...keep her breathing?
Good one, Sonic. 'Meh', says Ash as he leaves. Sonic states the obvious: Mina's
boyfriend no likes him.
In the tormented tyrant's realm.....:
Eggman states the almighty curse words that all good super-villains use:
FIDDLESTICKS!
Since Nack's attempt on Mina failed, Eggman has to resort to PLAN B (for
bullshit)
No, for Bomb. As in something that t looks somewhat like Heavy and Bomb. DUN DUN
DUN...TO BE CONTINUED!
-insert 2 ads here-
Ohoohoo, you thought I was done, eh?
"Fairy Tale or the Adventures of Pirate Sally"
written by Romy, art by Mawhinney.
Rosie is taking care of three young Mobians with colds. They're all really
cute. They drink their medicine and ask Rosie to tell them a story. She's a bit
reluctant, but finally gives in.
-insert 2 ads here-
The story begins with a page introducing the characters. This is a really cute piece
of art, I must admit! My favorite thing is 'Ixis as the Naugus Rider".
Pirate Sally is sailing her ship along the clear blue seas. Suddenly a fox
falls from the sky, and is caught by second-mate B-bot's (Bunnie) extending
hand. It's Tails, the Elfen fox. His second tail has been stolen by the Rouge assassin,
a henchman of the EBIL wizard Kintobor! Pirate Sally, being a generous pirate,
offers to steal the tail back.
Pirate Sally, the Elfen fox and B-Bot ride into the forest. They're looking for
a castle and come across Ant the Foole who works as a jester for Kintobor.
However, Ant leads them wrong and they encounter the EBIL Naugus rider, who
looks like a ring-wraith.
-insert ad here-
They run from the Naugus rider but he's gaining! But then, Sonic, the Blue Knight
appears from nowhere and spindashes him, knocking him out. The Blue Knight
joins the group.
They make it to the castle, which is guarded by 'Mog the Troll" (Mammoth
Mogul) Pirate Sally beats him and they enter the castle to confront the EBIL
Kintobor. Kintobor sits in his throne holding the tail in one hand, with
Snively the Bald Parrot on his shoulder. The tail will make Kintobor the most
powerfullest wizard ever.
-insert ad here-
The group attack Kintobor in unison and the Elfen fox gets his tail back. Then
the Blue Knight and Pirate Sally live happily ever after.
Rosie's charges don't seem enchanted by the story. They question different
parts of it to which Rosie utters the cliché line: Everybody's a critic.
-insert hideous Sonic X book ad here-
-insert Sonic checklist here-
And yes, that's the END. I'm sorry, but I found the first story to be totally
absurd. Mina being an important public figure? Eggman not being able to get her
song out of his head? Nack missing his shot? Overall, this issue was just dumb.
Ron Lim's art, at least to me, seems to have improved alot when it comes to
drawing furries.
The second story was meant to be silly, and it was. However, the art was
adorable and for that, I can't say I dislike it. It reminds me of the silly
stories in the pre-50 issues.
So...there's my review... feel free to comment as usual. ^^