Coward
By MistressAli
This is
a songfic to the song "Coward" by Holly Mcnarland. The characters
here are (c) to Sega/Archie & DIC. The lyrics contained in the brackets {}
are (c) to Holly Mcnarland. Now with all that out of the way, enjoy the whacked
out fic. ;D
{Maybe
I'm a coward}
*Squeak*
His
boot squealed against the floor as he turned sharply on his heel. Seven steps
in one direction. Then *squeak*, as he turned. Seven steps in the opposite.
Pacing.
Another late shift, and Snively didn't know what to do with himself. He turned
again, eyes settling on the coffee cup on the console. It was empty. Maybe that
had made him on the edge.
He
grimaced, moaning as a sharp pain hit his side.
Maybe
it was because Julian's fist had lashed out today, cracking two slender curved
ribs inside him.
He
shuddered hard, making his body hurt more, but he couldn't stop it. Just the
thought of that fist bearing down... even now sweat was beading on his brow. He
wiped it, frowning.
{I'm
only scared of you}
He
sighed loudly, turning his eye on the surveillance monitors like he was
supposed to. He was supposed to be watching them like a hawk, pouring his
entire being into those grayscale screens, watching for any bright flash of fur
in that monotone city.
{Or
maybe I'm just tired of living here}
He was
so sick of it. With a growl, he took five rapid steps, bringing himself
face-to-face with one of the monitors and its picture of a street in
Robotropolis east. Another animal sound escaped him. He sounded so much like
those beasts that Uncle stalked so fervently. His fist arched round suddenly,
smashing soundly into the glass screen. It did not break; his hand did bruise.
His only sound was a quiet whimper. The screen fluttered.
{I'm
alive and I'm aware
Of
what's going on around here}
How
very tired he was. His eyes drooped; even coffee could not alleviate this
weariness. It was not just a fatigue of his body, but his mind as well. His
mind, a pit of blood and barbed wire, and all its faded IOU's piled until they
hit the top of his soul. It was all he could think about some days. What they
all owed him.
What he
owed himself. Because he had wanted to be something bigger. He couldn't settle
for this. Being a slave. Being Uncle's slave.
Bestowed
with 'Second-in-command'
But he
knew what he really was.
{'Cause
I'm a coward}
The
monitors were so empty, and his conscience was as well. He wanted to do
something big tonight. Another fist was smashed into the monitors but they were
too strong for his weak hand. He wanted them to break. He wanted glass to
shatter the floor like the busted shards of memories and dead dreams cluttered
his mind.
{I'm
neurotic}
When it
was done, when the glass lay upon the floor and the monitors steamed like a
chain smoker's mouth, he almost fell to the floor, sobbing in fear. He clutched
his arms to himself instead, backing into a corner. He could see Uncle there
now, in front of him, both fists raised and furious, his mouth with those
square teeth screaming out insults and threats. And carrying every one of those
threats out...
{I'm
just tired of living in here}
He let
his coffee cup drop. It was pretty durable. Having smashed the monitors and
all. Not even one crack had appeared in its resilient surface. Snively wished
he could be like that coffee cup.
{I'm
depressive I'm obsessive}
He slid
down to the floor, his legs propped up in front of him. The floor was very cold
on his rear.
"This
whole city is cold..." he said aloud, his odd voice echoing in the large
room. It sounded different without the monitors to bounce off. He glanced to
the throne with fearful eyes, but Julian wasn't there, of course. If he were,
he'd be pounding his nephew into the ground.
He
shivered, burying his face into his knees. Wetness from his eyes soaked into
the gray fabric of his pants. The laser pistol on his belt was digging hard
into his hip, and it was cold too.
"SNIVELY!!"
A voice screamed.
He
jumped up, nearly screaming in terror, his back hard against the wall.
{I'm
just tired of living in fear}
"Sir?"
his voice came out like a squeaking rat's.
"Why
can't I see you, Snively?" The voice demanded. "What happened to the
monitor?"
"It's...broken..."
came the meek response.
"Fix
it then, damn you!"
"Of...of
course sir."
He
fiddled with the switches. But there was no fixing this, and Robotnik would
soon be down here, fixing him. His breathing grew high and raspy, and his
uncle, listening over the speakers, heard it. His voice growled like an angry
dog.
"What
is going on down there?"
"I
can't fix it, sir," he finally admitted.
Uncle
heaved a large angry sigh. It was only an intake of breath but it was enough to
set Snively shivering in his knee-high boots. "I'm coming down there, you
little prick, and I want some answers."
{Maybe
my depression is all in my head}
He
muttered an affirmative response. Sobbing was just barely held back. Uncle
clicked off and he knew the fat man would waste no time getting down here.
Snively knew, with a sick twist in his stomach, that Julian got pleasure out of
his pain. He sank down to the floor again, staring down at his wrists as if
transfixed. Maybe he could stop it this time. Maybe if he beat Julian to the
punch, there wouldn't be any more hurting.
{Maybe
it's my obsession to feel sorry for myself}
There
would be a lot of blood, to be sure. He searched his pockets rapidly,
desperate, like a homeless man would rifle through garbage for food. He found
no sustenance today; there was no blade to be found. There wasn't even lint;
for Snively was immaculate. Today he had washed his pale hands twenty times,
and still it seemed he couldn't get the blood out from under his fingernails...
{I'm
alive and I'm aware of what's going on around here}
It
wasn't his blood to wash. It was all Uncle's. Uncle had made him do those
things. He had made him hate and made him commit this horrid genocide against
the animals. Were they animals though? They talked and thought and wrote poetry
and made love and he couldn't imagine any animals that had done those things.
{'Cause
I'm a coward
I'm
neurotic
I'm
just tired of living in here}
He
heard footsteps and knew Julian was coming. Each loud clang seemed to slam in
his brain, reminding him of the shatter of those monitors. The glass was thick
on the floor and there was no way to hide it.
{I'm
depressive I'm obsessive
I'm
just tired of living in fear
I'm a
coward}
Something
broke inside and he began to cry, tears running down his face. He curled on the
floor, sobbing and banging his tiny fist into the metal surface. The pain
sharpened him, made him realize something.
"I
can stop it."
It was
cowardly. It was shameful. He stood up straight and still, clasping his arms
subserviently behind his back. And Robotnik came in. He walked in past Snively,
and stared at the monitors open-mouthed.
{I'm a
coward}
"Snively..."
His voice was low, trailing off into a fierce snarl. He moved closer, red boots
crunching loud upon the glass.
{I'm
neurotic}
He
raised a hand, trembling in disbelief, to one monitor. He touched the jagged
glass shards that remained. A curse rang out.
{I'm
just tired of living in here}
His
finger was cut and blood oozed from his leather glove. "Snively...I
will... kill you for this."
{I'm
depressive}
Snively
was still crying. His cheeks burned with tears. But he could stop it.
{I'm
obsessive}
Uncle
began to turn. Snively wondered what blood would look like on the reflective
glass. Sick? Pretty? His hand withdrew from behind his back.
{I'm
just tired of living in fear}}
Uncle
never got to turn around. A laser blast
sang out like the final note of a song. And it was the end. Snively dropped the
gun and it clattered. Uncle fell.
{I'm a
coward.}
He had
shot him in the back.
But the
pain didn't stop. He sobbed louder, staring wide-eyed at the body, at the blood
splattered upon the glass. It didn't look pretty. It made him drop to his
knees.
He
looked down at the gun.
It had
killed his only family left.
He
wondered if shooting it again would finally end his agony.
One
hand reached down...
{I'm a
coward...}