Rating: R17 for swearing and adult themes (as if morbid old Dominic was going to write something for kids.) Genre: angst Disclaimer: Some of the characters and names in this fic are not owned by me (as much as I wish that were true) and are the property of DIC, Sega, Archie and Lewis Carroll, yes you read right! To Thy Own Self Be True All in the golden afternoon Full leisurely we glide; For both our oars, with little skill, By little arms are plied, While little hands make vain pretence Our wanderings to guide. Ah, cruel Three! In such an hour Beneath such dreamy weather, To beg a tale of breath too weak To stir the tiniest feather! Yet what can one poor voice avail Against three tongues together? Imperious Prima flashes forth Her edict "to begin it"- In gentler tone Secunda hopes "There will be nonsense in it!"- While Tertia interrupts the tale Not more than once a minute Anon, to sudden silence won, In fancy they pursue The dream-child moving through a land Of wonders wild and new, In friendly chat with bird or breast- And half believe it true. And ever, as the story drained The wells of fancy dry, And faintly strove that weary one To put the subject by, "The rest next time-" "It is next time!" The happy voices cry. Thus grew the tale of Wonderland: Thus slowly, one by one, Its quaint events were hammered out- And now the tale is done, And home we steer, a merry crew, Beneath the setting sun. Alice! a childish story take, And with a gentle hand Lay it where Childhood's dreams are twined In Memory's mystic band, Like pilgrim's wither'd wreath of flowers Pluck'd in a far-off land. - Lewis Carroll. Chapter 1 Fumbling, that was the way he was that morning, the way he was every morning. With tired, slightly aching feet Snively stepped into the shower, even though the computer maintained his personal quarters at precisely 37 degrees C his body still shivered from the slight contrast in temperature between being naked to wearing his bunny pyjamas. Yes he still wore them, he was 26 years old and yet he wore pyjamas intended for 6-year olds. Was the reason he wore them some deep and complex psychological issue, perhaps his low stature had caused him to never completely let go of his childhood or was it merely that he enjoyed sleeping in them, the feel of the soft material against his skin and after all no one was in any position to tell him they were no longer appropriate or at least no one that really gave a rats arse about what he wore in bed. Now his pyjamas lay discarded on the floor, a tiny cleaning robot would put them away after he left. As the shower door automatically closed behind him Snively tried with red and swollen eyes to focus on the controls in front of him. It was not necessary that he do anything complex, the settings had remained unchanged for several years, always the same, never changing, day in, day out. A frail hand slowly reached out and pressed the green button that would start his shower. The water hit him with almost the same force, shock and intensity as his Uncle’s blows did. He shrieked, his high-pitched voice sounding more like a mouse than the man he was meant to be. The water was not the hot soothing temperature it was supposed to be, it was cold, freezing cold and the shrieks soon turned to heavy gasps and he lunged for the red button that would stop the nightmare. Contact with the red button was made and Snively gave it a hard press, he stopped but to his annoyance the water did not. 'What the hell,' he thought and pressed the button again and again but to no avail. Snively was very pissed at what was happening and tried to remain calm in order to prevent himself from shaking apart due to the cold. He studied the dials in front of him, they showed the same settings they always did and deciding he would immediately report the fault to a maintenance robot, pressed the door release button that would open the airtight door, however like before nothing happened. “God damn it!” Snively shouted and gave the door release button several more impatient pushes. Like the smog that had swelled to consume the skies above Robotropolis, a snarl consumed Snively’s face changing its colour and filling out every wrinkle. I could be stuck in here for ages, Snively mused, that is assuming Uncle comes looking for me. He knew he would, Uncle hated to be kept waiting, let alone the fact that Snively would technically be disobeying an order by not turning up. Robotnik demanded that Snively report to him in the Command Room every morning at 7:00am sharp so he could give him his assignments for the day, it was now 6:27am. It was at that point that the snarl on Snively’s face disappeared completely to be replaced by something else entirely. As if in a trance Snively’s face tilted downwards until he was looking at his feet, or more specially the water that had now filled the shower up to his ankles. Like any shower this one did have a plughole to allow the water to escape however like the door it was electronically controlled, designed to seal airtight, one of the advantages to this was that Snively could fill the shower with hot water and then completely submerge himself in it like bath. When it came to maths Snively was the undisputed champion, even Robotnik with his enormous, super human arrogance admitted that he had a 'certain way' with figures. Because of that Snively was able to carry out the current sum with ease, busted stop button + busted door release + busted plughole = a totally fucked Snively! Of course there was a chance the plughole was still working and so the terrible consequences could be avoided. Snively knew he should just press the button and find out but for a precious few seconds he delayed for not knowing, no matter how agonising would be a walk in the Great Forest compared to the horror that would come from the plughole not opening. As he reached for the button Snively held his breath and as his finger touched it’s surface he closed his eyes. His heart skipped a beat when he heard the quiet click from the button but his heart almost stopped beating completely when he did not hear the plughole open and feel no rush of water to follow it. Snively’s eyes opened cautiously like a newly born butterfly opening its wings for the first time. “Oh fuck” Snively whispered to himself seeing the still sealed hole below him and the ever rising water, then he whispered it again slightly louder this time. “Oh fuck” then again louder still. “Oh fuck” and then he went into a hysterical panic and he abandoned whispering the words in favour of yelling them at the top of his voice. “OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK, OH FUCK!” If Snively had had any hair left he would have pulled it out of his head that very second. With mad terror in his eyes he started banging on the door and screaming for help, but none came, how could they? Snively's terror started to give way to a kind of grim acceptance, he slowly lowed himself to his knees and then just let himself fall, his back crashing into the wall and his hands falling loosely to his sides. 'So this is it?' He thought dryly, his mind choking on the thought like someone else might choke dirking sour milk. It was inconceivable for him that he, Snively the Great, could die in such a pointless endeavour. By Uncles hand, yes that he could accept, although he doubted it would happen as long as he remained 'useful' to him. The freedom fighters, well obviously not directly, they are after all a bunch of demented pacifists but perhaps indirectly, yes that was possible. An experiment gone awry, that too his mind could grasp but this, this! To conclude an existence such as his, all he had fought for and overcome, to have his life, the one thing he did still own despite Uncles frequent insistent to the contrary, taken by a mere faulty shower! He laughed, Snively's laughter echoed in the confined space and hearing it come back at him only encouraged him. But wait, something was wrong, the laughter was starting to break up, fracture, like a hologram that's program had become corrupted. It was not long before he was sobbing, his tears only adding to the water that by now had reached his chest. Closing his eyes Snively tried to put his mind somewhere else, but where was there to go, yesterday, last week, last year? They were all the same, grey, devoid of colour, devoid of life. Snively's mind was craving something those times could not give him, something it needed before the time would come when it would need nothing, he went back further; back to before the coup, back to a time he could look in a mirror and not have to block out that small part of him that felt shame. * * * * * Chapter 2 He was 6-years old and as he awoke, the sunlight on his face, Snively kept his eyes half closed and smiled as he felt the warmth. His thumb then found its way into his mouth and attentively he gave it a little chew. As time past restlessness began to spread all over his body and it was not long before he excitedly leapt out of bed. What to do, where to go, who to see, the questions hard and pressing so in the end he settled for an epic journey, down the stairs. Fetching his teddy bear, a tradition Mobians had trouble understanding, he slowly pushed open the door and peered along the landing, it was silent. Ever so gently he tiptoed over to the stairs, not wanting to disturb his Father, or any of his Brothers and Sisters for than matter. With the stealth of a ninja, Snively made it to the stairs and began his descent, he noticed on his way down just how much darker it was on the ground floor, for there were no large windows as there were on the landing. The darkness made him shiver, as though a cobweb were being gently brushed over his skin and although he was so very young, subconsciously he knew that if he stayed too long he might learn to enjoy the sensation. Increasing his pace, Snively left the foot of the stairs and headed to the pantry, hoping to locate a biscuit or two. He was in luck and sat eating a couple squatted under the table; he imagined he was pirate hiding out in a secret cave like the ones he had heard about in stories his older Sister read to them. Snively grinned as the chocolate chips touched his tongue, triggering wonderful sensations. He was about to fetch a drink when he was startled by a loud bashing on the front door. 'Oh dear,' Snively thought and began to panic, he knew he was not supposed to leave his room without permission, none of them were. Thinking fast he got up and raced for the stairs, too late he heard the sound of Father's door opening. For a moment he froze unsure what to do and then on impulse he dived into the nearest room, the den and hid behind the sofa. Peering out from the edge of the sofa he had a clear view through the open door out into the hall. Presently he heard the banging again, only this time it was answered by angry shouting coming from his farther. He did not know what some of the words he used meant, although from experience he knew them to be bad words. A strange silence descended when the door was finally opened and Snively was desperate to know who was there. Then after a brief exchange of words in a tone to low for him to hear he heard the sound of heavy footsteps, followed by the door being closed gently behind them. 'Oh Mobius,' Snively thought, a realisation dawning on him, they're coming in here! Wanting to avoid detection he ducked down right behind the sofa and held his breath. "Whatever it is you had better just come out with it." Snively heard his Father say. "As far as I'm concerned I don't owe you anything and the sooner you spit it out the sooner I can say no and tell you to fuck off." "I see you've lost none of you're pleasantries since we last spoke, how long ago was that, 17-years?" A strange voice answered, Snively did not recognize it. "It doesn't matter" his Father spat, "the point is that you're here now, something I'd like to remedy as soon as possible." "Very well" the stranger sighed, "I'll get straight to the point, last week the military cut their funding for my research." "So?" Snively's farther snorted, his complete disinterest shining through. "So, I want that funding back!" The stranger shouted angrily. "Don't you DARE raise your voice in MY house!" His Father snapped back. "You waltz in here and make demands Julian, demands I have neither the capacity or will to carry out. From what I've heard you're reckless experiments have endangered lives and present questionable military applications at best." "Then why" the man Snively now knew to be named Julian asked in a sly tone, "did you even invite me into your humble home?" There was no answer from Snively's Father, only more grim silence and, sensing the tension, he pulled his hands to his chest and gripped them together tightly. "You know why" he said at last and for the first time in his life Snively heard something in his Fathers voice he had never heard before, something he never even imagined could be there, fear. At once he knew that he had to see this Julian, the man who his Father feared. Slowly he moved his head towards the edge of the couch until the stranger came into view. 'Why, he's enormous,' Snively thought, is dad worried Julian is going to eat him? As humorous as it was, Snively could not help but be in awe of this Julian, his eyes widened as he took him in. "Oh please, do enlighten me" Julian persisted his voice taking on a cruel and almost perverse tone but sadly this detail went over Snively's head, all he saw was a man, a brave and courageous man, standing up to his Father, the one who caused him such pain. Again silence filled the room until finally his Father broke it. Even the superficial hint of arrogance had faded and he sounded broken and very, very tired. "I'll see what I can do," he said. "Now go, please." Snively was ecstatic, he had to bite down on his lip to keep himself from crying out. His adoration for Julian was quickly turning into something more but his thoughts were kept at bay by his desire to see how this would turn out. "Don't worry yourself sick Colin, I'm leaving and if you can do this one thing for me, you can consider the dept paid in full." Replied Julian. "What's that?" Julian added raising his hand to his ear, "I can't hear you." Snively's bewilderment was settled a moment later when his Father forced out two words through a pair of gritted teeth. "Thank you," were the words in question. Snively smiled, 'this just keeps getting better and better,' he thought. "I'll see myself out" Julian said and headed for the door, when he reached it though he stopped and turned around. "There is one more thing," he said, his tone mocking and when his Father did not take the bait he carried on, "I've heard you've had a few kids since last we spoke? I'd very much like to meet them" he said showing his teeth in a truly warped smile that would make anyone wary of his motives. "N…Now listen here Julian" his Father began regaining some of his former firmness. "I don't care what you do to me, you're not seeing them, understand?!" "No, you listen Colin" Julian responded, "as their Uncle and closest living relative I might add, I have a right to see them since if anything should happen to you they will effectively belong to me." Snively's jaw dropped, 'Uncle? Julian is my Uncle?' * * * * * Chapter 3 Drowning, many people say it's the worst way to go, to have your final moments taken up in fruitless struggle, to slowly feel your body die knowing you are powerless to stop it. Snively was drowning, his memories were interrupted by this fact, the water rushing down his throat had roused him and in response he began to choke. Fortunately Snively's number had not come up, at least not yet! He stood up and the water level fell to the safely of his shoulders. Rage filled his mind; he did not want to confront this. It was better to be in denial than to face realty. It dawned on him then that in one way or another he had been living in denial his entire life and now that he was facing death, facing possible judgement was it now time for regret, time to repent? 'No,' he thought defiantly, 'if this is indeed my final moment then I, Snively will not deny what I am!' 'Yes' he thought with stern conviction, 'I am evil, I am a monster, I have sinned and further more I did so out of my own free will, I chose the path of darkness, me, no one chose it for me, nor was I led astray, I made my choices knowing full well the possible consequences and if this, this most pitiful death be a manifestation of those consequences then so be it! For I Snively the Great will not repent!' "Do you hear that!?" Snively shouted to the empty shower as the water reached his chin, "I WILL NOT REPENT!" With a roar the water burst out through the opening shower door and Snively was thrown onto his stomach by the force of it. The human mind does not handle the unexpected well at the best of times and under these circumstances you could easily forgive Snively for being a little incoherent. When he finally had a hold of his senses he lifted his head to see a pair of black and red boots a few feet from his face. He knew those boots, had even been forced to lick them before, he raised his head higher and took in the image of his Uncle, Dr Robotnik. "The freedom fighters were attempting to hack into the central computer through an unknown access terminal." Robotnik said coldly. "As a precaution I initiated a complete system lockdown, your 'difficulties' this morning were a consequence of this." Snively remained silent, he dared not thank Uncle for his rescue, he knew that to him he was little more than a usual piece of machinery. Thanking him would be as bad as accusing him of caring for him, of loving him. Nothing he could say would anger Uncle more. "Hurry up and get dressed, then report to the Command Centre" Robotnik added, his voice devoid of concern for his nephews well being. Uncle did not wait for a reply but pivoted on his heal and stormed out leaving Snively alone to contemplate his navel. Life had just been handed back to him, by one of the most unlikely of people and yet Snively was neither happy nor relieved. 'Did I really mean what I said?' Snively thought, 'that this really is the life I desire for myself?' Snively had no answer; instead he just sat up, pulled his knees up to his face and leaning into them began to cry. * * * * * Surly your gladness need not be the less for the thought that you will one day see a brighter dawn than this when lovelier sights will meet your eyes than any waving trees or rippling waters when angel-hands shall undraw your curtains, and sweeter tones than ever loving Mother breathed shall wake you to a new and glorious day and when all the sadness, and the sin, that darkened life on this little earth, shall be forgotten like the dreams of a night that is past! - Lewis Carroll.