Disclaimer: I really don't think I need to mention that I don't own 'Sonic the Hedgehog' or any of the characters. Sega, Archie Comics, Dic and etc do' But you knew that all along, now didn't you? (Glares) DIDN'T YOU?

Oh yeah, and I sure as hell don't own Britany Spears (Thank God!) If I did, the stupid whore would die a horrible death!

Okay, people, this is just a strange, funny fic about what happens when our favorite lackey meets up with the evilest of the evil- BRITINY SPEARS!!! I was sort of hyper when I wrote this, so don't flame me or anything' well, it IS a Humor fic, for cryin' out loud!

By the by, I would really appreciate it if you would not only read this story, but review it as well. Don't be one of those readers who just read and don't even take the time to review' that's just rude, if you ask me. (Glares again) YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Anyway, without further ado, here's the story! Enjoy!



It was another gloomy, gray morning in the city of Robotropolis. On this wretched morning, Snively was just about to sit down and enjoy his morning coffee and newspaper. It was about 6:30 A.m., the usual time when he would normally rise to face the day's inevitable series of crap that was dished out to him on a daily basis, mostly by his Uncle. Thank God for his morning coffee. If he didn't have any in the mornings, he knew that staying awake, much less finding the strength to cope with his miserable job, not to mention his miserable life would be utterly impossible. The pain killers that he took each night before retiring proved helpful as well.

So anyway, Snively was just starting to relax with his coffee and paper, when all of a sudden he was jerked from his thought by the all-too-familiar bellow of a certain S.O.B'

'SNIVELY!!!' boomed the voice through the loud-speaker. Snively nearly jumped out of his skin in fright, accidentally spilling his coffee on his newspaper.

'Oh, bloody great!' Snively muttered under his breath, not at all pleased, 'I knew I shouldn't have gotten too comfortable.' Sighing, he replied in his usual nervous-yet-respectful voice, 'Y-yes, Sir?'

'I need to see you in my office at once, Snively,' Robotnik said in that cold, harsh tone he used with his nephew. 'I have some important matters that I need to discuss with you.'

Snively gulped. 'Oh swell, what does the Big Round Guy want to blame me for this time?' he thought to himself. 'Err, certainly, Sir, right away, Sir,' Snively said. 'And what matters would those be, if I may ask?'

'Well, Snively,' growled Robotnik impatiently, 'why don't you come straight down here, AND I'LL TELL YOU IN PERSON!!'

'Y-yes, Sir, of c-course, Sir,' the little lackey stuttered, startled by his Uncle's sudden outburst. The intercom clicked off.

'Blast!' Snively cried, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration, 'can't I even get a chance to at least finish my coffee?!' He shook his head and sighed. 'I just can't win,' he muttered, making his way down to the control room to see what Fat Boy wanted.

* * * *

When Snively entered the control room, he found his uncle sitting in his personal Chair with his back to him. This was no great surprise to Snively. He was always sitting in that Godforsaken chair, like he was the Exalted- Grand-High-Poobah of whatever. Snively often dreamt of destroying the damn thing just to piss his uncle off, but of course he never actually would- not unless he was on the brink of suicide (though it kinda makes one wonder why he's not, what with all that he has to put up with day in, day out).

So anyway, there Snively stood before his uncle and boss, awaiting his orders. 'Sir?' he finally spoke up, when Robotnik didn't say anything for the longest time, 'I'm here, sir. You required my presence?' 'Get on with it already, you fat tub of lard!' Snively thought bitterly. 'Quit wasting what little time I have!'

Robotnik turned his Chair around to face his nephew. 'Ah, Snively,' he said, as if he had just noticed him standing there for the first time. 'I called you here because I have a special assignment for you to carry out.'

'Yes, sir, and does it, by any chance, have to do with the Hedgehog?' Snively asked.

Robotnik shook his head. 'No, not today, Snively. Although, my life-long dream will always be for that misserable blue creature, along with the rest of those cursed Freedom Fighters to be squashed like the vermin they are, today I am focussing on a- how should I put this? A 'lesser' goal, if you will.'

Snively looked a little confused. 'But sir, what could possibly be more important than disposing of the Hedgehog and the other Freedom Fighters?'

Robotnik glared at his lackey. 'Are you questioning my actions, Snively?'

Snively gulped. 'Oh, n-no, sir!'

'Good. Now then, Snively, let me show you something.'

Robotnik held up a remote control. He pushed a button and a giant screen was immediately lowered down. Upon pushing another button, the screen flicked on, revealing an Overlander-type young woman with long blond hair and huge breasts. She was wearing the tightest tank top and the tightest blue leather pants Snively had ever seen. The strange Overlander female appeared to be shaking her ass and jiggling her breasts, while all the time singing with strange upbeat music playing in the background.

'Sir?' Snively asked. 'Who is that strange Overlander? And what is she doing? Why is she moving her body in such an odd manner? And what is that horrible noise in the background?'

'Well, Snively,' Robotnik said, 'her name is Britany Spears, and she is from a far-away land called America, which located on a far-away planet called Earth. Those ridiculous gestures she makes with her body are what most Americans would refer to as dancing.'

'Dancing?!' cried Snively, for it didn't look like anything to him other than ass-shaking and breast-jiggling.

'Yes, if you can even call it that,' Robotnik said, echoing Snively's exact thoughts.

'And that noise in the backround is what most Americans refer to as' music. A certain style of music they like to call 'Pop'.

'Arggghhh!!' Snively cried, covering his ears. 'It's horrible!! Make it stop, for the love of Mobius, make it stop!!!'

'Last of all, observe her attire, Snively,' Robotnik continued, ignoring his lackey's outburst. 'Notice how her shirt reveals her entire stomach and even some of her breasts? See how ridiculously tight those pants are? This, apparently, is how most young female Americans dress. Apparently, this Britany Spears is a genuine role model for most young female Americans.'

'Sir, if I may ask, what does this Britany Spears girl have to do with us? She isn't even a Mobian, so what threat could she possibly possess to us?' Snively asked, shuddering at the thought of God-knows-how-many Britany Spears disciples populating this America place. 'Honestly, what do those Americans see in worshipping her?' he thought to himself.

'I was just getting to that, Snively,' Robotnik said in response to Snively's question. He walked over to the window and stared down at the citizens of Robotropolis, his hands behind his back. 'As you know, Snively, my ultimate goal to become ruler of all of Mobius. Therefore, I must find a way to have all the citizens in the land worship me like a god' to become highly looked up to and respected by all!'

'Keep dreaming, doughboy' Snively thought to himself.

'In short, Snively, I want to you to travel to the planet Earth, to America, and fetch Ms. Spears for me. I would like to meet with this great influencer of minds in person, so that I can learn her great secret' so that I may learn how I can appeal to the entire population! And then, I, Dr. Robotnik, will be the most powerful one in all of the land!' He broke out into maniacal laughter.

'But sir,' Snively said, pointing something out, 'if this Spears character is such a great influencer of minds like you say, than won't there be a chance that she could just as easily influence the young minds of Mobius as well? Than everyone would turn to her, and not to you.'

'Nonsense,' Robotnik sneered, 'the citizens of Mobius won't be so easily influenced by some Overlander with oversized breasts who can't carry a tune, shakes her rear all the time, and clearly has no sense of style!'

And before Snively could question his uncle further, he was thrown into the Planetary Transporter. (Author's Note: By the by, I just made that up.) 'Now don't contact me until you found Britany Spears, is that clear?'

'Yes, sir,' Snively said before he disappeared in the Transporter.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Queen of Whores had just finished giving another one of her hellish concerts down in Orlando, Florida. As always, it had included the traditional ass-wiggling, boob-bouncing, flimsy-dressed shit that she is so famous for. This time it was so bad that some guy in the audience had actually wanted to leave his girlfriend! (You see how evil this skank is?!)

So anyway, Ms. Bitchny Spears was just making her way through the backdoors of the concert building, so as to avoid her hundreds of adoring fans and whoreshippers, when Snively approached. He had used the tracking device that Robotnik had designed for his mission.

'Ms. Spears, I presume?' Snively asked, standing before her.

'Hey, cutie, where'd you come from?' Britany said in a high, breathless voice. 'Did you want my autograph, kiddo?'

'KIDDO?! For your information, madam, I happen to be in my mid-twenties!' snapped the highly-offended Snively. 'Blast my inferno height!' he thought. 'And no, I am not interested in your autograph, missy! On the contrary, I have been sent on a mission to seek you out, Ms. Spears! I have traveled a long distance to find you, and now that I have finally found you, you will listen to what I have to say!'

'Oh my God, you've really traveled all this way just to see me?' Britany gushed. 'Why, I'm flattered. Are you sure I can't interest you in an autograph?' She jiggled her bowling-ball-size breasts. 'Or maybe something else?' She giggled seductively.

Snively was almost mesmerized by the seductive powers of this evil wench, like so many other weak males, but then he quickly snapped out of it. 'I must be strong!' he thought to himself firmly. 'Silence, woman!' he snapped, drawing out his laser pointer from his belt. 'Unlike so many other male minds, I am not so easily influenced! Now kindly shut up and listen to me! I am Snively the Great!' he announced dramatically, thrusting his finger into the air. (Yeah! Go, Sniv! You tell her!) 'Sent by order of Dr. Robotnik, ruler of Robotropolis of the planet Mobius! You are to return with me to Robotropolis immediately, where Robotnik wishes to speak with you. And don't try anything funny, foolish Overlander, or I will be forced to blast you into oblivion!'

Britany just giggled like the stupid wench that she is. 'You're funny. I like a guy with a wacked sense of humor. You're cute too.' She rubbed her lotion-scented hand over Snively bald head. 'You know, I gotta thing for bald, short guys like you.' She grinned at Snively's laser pointer. 'Is that a laser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'AAARRRGGGHH!!!' screamed Snively, grabbing his head. 'No!!! G-got to f- fight it! Can't' lose' control' Will' strong' Body' weak'' He quickly flicked open the communication device on his wrist. 'S-sir,' he managed to gasp out. 'I've found her' please' teleport us back' quick! Her evil, seductive powers are far too strong! Losing control over mind' Hhhheeeeelllllpppp!!!!!'

'You don't have to be afraid of me,' Britany smiled, wiggling her ass closer to Snivley. 'I'm just a woman''

Robotnik was amazed by what control this Overlander had over Snively. 'This Overlander is far more powerful than I had thought!' he said.

Quickly, Robotnik transported Snively and Bitchney Spears back to Robotropolis, right in the nick of time.

* * *

'All right, missy, talk!' Robotnik demanded. 'What is the big secret to your successful control over other people's minds?! How is it you have the power to influence others around you so that they dress like you, act like you, worship you like a goddess? You must tell me! Now talk, or I will have no choice but to roboticize you!'

Britany Spears was strapped to a metal table. Fortunately, she was unable to perform any of her slutty antics because Robotnik had the foresight to inject a drug into her that would immediately send searing pain shooting all throughout her body whenever she tried to use her evil seducing powers. But unfortunately, she could still sing her God-awful songs.

'Oh, baby, baby,' she sang in her horrible voice, 'how was I supposed to know-?'

'SILENCE!!' roared Robotnik. 'Stop that blasted singing, and reveal to me your great secret!'

'-That somethin' wasn't right here,' the skank continued to sing.

'Shut up, you little hell-cat! You are greatly trying my patience, woman, now you'd better answer me before I really lose my temper!'

'Shut up, for the love of God, shut up!' screamed poor Snively, who was lying on the floor in agony, trying to save his poor eardrums, as well as his sanity. 'I can't take any more!!! Oh, please, I'm begging you, STOOOOPP!!'

But Britany Spears wouldn't shut up. Completely ignoring them both like she hadn't heard a word they were saying, she launched into another hellish song of hers' and another' and another' each one more ear-piercing than the last.

Finally, Snively couldn't take it anymore. With a scream of agony, he whipped out his laser pointer and blasted Bitchny Spears to nothingness.

'We are saved!' Robotnik cried happily. 'Oh, Snively, you did it! You freed us from that demonic Overlander. I don't care if I didn't learn her secret now; I'm just thankful she's done with forever! Snively, as a reward for your fast thinking and action, I've decided to give you a raise, as well as a promotion! From this day on, you shall be known as the new ruler of Mobius!'

Snively was too shocked for words. 'S-sir' do you meant it?'

'Oh, please, Lord Snively, call me Jullian!' Robotnik insisted, bowing down to his nephew. 'I am forever in your debt, dear nephew!'

'Lord' Snively?' Snively said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 'Yes' yes' I do believe I like the sound of that! It has a nice ring to it!'

* * *

Snively stood atop the balcony. Below him were cheers and shouts of praise and approval from all the citizens of Mobius. Even Sonic and the Freedom Fighters were there at the ceremony.

'All hail Lord Snively!!!' they all shouted, bowing down to their new ruler. 'Al hail Snively the Great!!!' There were balloons floating up into the sky, and fanfare was playing all around. Sonic pulled down the long sheet, to reveal a giant-sized stone statue of Snively. Written below on the golden plaque:

'Lord Snively

His bravery and courage shall live forever in our hearts,

even when he is gone. May this statue honor him forever'.

This was, without a doubt, the happiest day of Snively's life. He couldn't believe it- all he had to do was kill that awful Britany Spears, and BOOM- he was ruler of all Mobius. In the end, they both got what they always deserved- Snively got fame and fortune beyond his wildest dreams, and Britany Spears got an eternity in hell.

'Hot enough for you down there, Ms. Spears?' Snively smirked, glancing down at the floor. He threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

1 THE END

The moral of this tale: Britany Spears should die a horrible, horrible death, and Snively should become ruler of all of Mobius.

Snively: It just goes to show that you don't have to be an annoying, evil slutty skank to win fortune and fame, not to mention all the respect of everyone around you! AAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Me: Right on, Sniv! You tell 'em! You tell 'em all!