Disclaimer- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I OWN NOTHING! Well, nothing related to “Sonic the Hedgehog” anyway…
Well, folks, here’s another funny little fic about the Snivster from me, Shychick! Don’t worry, a sequel to “The Javameister” will be coming soon to a computer near you. But in the meantime, sit back and enjoy my latest piece of work. Don’t forget to leave a review! And if I get any flames, I’ll get Snively to throw you in the Roboticizer! (Just joking!)

It was a Monday morning. Snively was sitting at the computer, busily typing up a report on SWATbot production. Cluck, his uncle’s “pet” robotic hen looked up at Snively and squawked at him.
“Oh shut up, you stupid squawk box!” Snively snapped. He despised that wretched mechanical fowl. He was jealous of all the attention it constantly received everyday from Robotnik. All it did was sit on it’s ass and cluck it’s stupid, empty metal head off, and it got a world of affection. But poor Snively slaved away day in/day out for his fatass uncle, and Robotnik never even gave him so much as the time of day. Unless, of course, it included getting bitched at, which was all-too-often. Plus, it was Snively’s opinion that the darn thing enjoyed seeing him in trouble, a grovelling, shaking, stuttering, cowardly mess.
“You know what, you pathetic little poultry?” Snively said, glaring over at Cluck. “Robotnik may be greatly attached to you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re “queen of the coop” in my book! I don’t even understand why he created such a worthless, useless piece of junk like you anyway! Heck, I’d like to see YOU kiss up to the Big Round Guy, for a change!” He chuckled a little at that. “Yes, that would be amusing, wouldn’t it?” he muttered to himself as he went back to typing up his report.
“Buk-buk-bukaw!” squawked Cluck, flapping it’s wings.
“Oh, button your beak, you bucket of bolts!” Snively snapped. “You know, if that fat tub of lard wasn’t so bloody affectionate towards you, I’d have disposed of you a long time ago! So just consider yourself lucky, Clucky!”
Cluck’s eyes gleamed. “Buckaw?”
“You heard me,” Snively said, as he continued to type. “Why don’t you do me a favour and “fly the coop”? And see if you can’t get that butterball you know as your master to join you!”
“BUCKAW!” Cluck screeched angrily, flying right towards Snively. It dug it’s sharp metal talons into Snively’s scalp and started to peck at him. It did not take kindly to anyone, especially Snively, speaking badly about it’s master. Cluck was very loyal to it’s creator.
“Arrrgghh!! Get off me, you wretched fowl! Shoo!” cried Snively as he ran around in circles, trying to shoo Cluck off his head. “Ow! Hey, don’t peck at what little hair I have left! I’m bald enough as it is, you know!”
“Snively!” Robotnik’s enormous form stood in the doorway of the control room. “What do you think you are doing to my beloved Cluck?”
“Nothing, sir!” Snively cried, as Cluck flew over to perch on it’s master’s shoulder. “It attacked me, not vice-versa! Why, it nearly gouged my eyeballs out!”
“Hmph,” Robotnik said, seating himself in his giant throne. “Well, if that’s the case, than it was probably something you said or did.”
“But, sir!” Snively protested, “I was simply minding my own business, typing up that report on SWATbot production like you requested of me!”
Robotnik swung his Chair around so that his back was turned on his nephew. “And did you finish that report yet, Snively?” he asked.
“Well, no, sir, not yet- but only because I was being pecked to death by Cluck!” Snively said, trying not to lose his temper.
“Stop exaggerating, Snively! I don’t want to hear your pathetic excuses!” Robotnik snapped. “Just finish your assignment!”
“Yes, sir,” Snively sighed. He glared at his uncle’s back. “Anything to get away from listening to you and that squawk box,” he muttered under his breath, as he stomped back to his computer.

“Here is that report on SWATbot production you requested, my liege,” Snively said later in the day, as he stood before his uncle and boss with the paper in his hand.
Robotnik grabbed it from him. “It’s about time, you lazy little wretch! What took you so blasted long?”
“I’m sorry, sir, I tried to complete it as fast as I could for you,” Snively said, shaking slightly.
“A sloth could’ve typed it up faster than you, Snively!” Robotnik snapped. “Now go make yourself useful and give Cluck her oil bath!” He turned his back on Snively.
“Ohhh, I’ll tell you exactly what you can do with this ridiculous little clucker,” Snively muttered under his breath, as he carried Cluck down to the room where all the robots were oiled and repaired. The robotic hen pecked at his hands all the way there, much to his irritation.
And so it began…

“Hold still, you blasted bird-brain, before I dismantle you!” Snively snapped as Cluck pecked at his hands and flapped around, splashing oil all over his face and uniform. He spat out a mouthful of oil in disgust and glanced down at his oil-stained uniform. “Damn you, you little egg-laying wretch! Look what you did! You’ve ruined my best suit! Do you have any idea how difficult it will be to get these stains out?! For your sake, you’d better hope I can manage to get rid of them!”
Cluck responded to that by pecking some at Snively’s hand. “Ow! You’re more trouble to me than you’re worth!” he yelled. “If you don’t cease your annoying antics right now, I’ll have you scrapped! Why must you be so difficult? You should be more grateful, you know! Because if I had my way, I’d let you rust solid!”
Suddenly Cluck flew out of Snively’s grasp, squawking loudly at him. “Get back here this instant, you! I’m not in the mood for games!” Snively yelled. He lunged for the chicken in an attempt to grab it, but missed and ended up falling into tub of oil.
“ARRGGHH!!” Snively screamed angrily, covered from head to toe in oil. “You stupid chicken!! I’m not the one who needs a bloody oil bath!”
“SNIVELY!!” Robotnik yelled, standing in the doorway. “What in the name of Mobius do you think you’re doing, fooling around when you’re supposed to be giving Cluck her oil bath? What’s the matter with you?”
“I was, sir, but she ended up giving me the oil bath!” Snively cried, fighting the urge to scream a string of swear words. “I wasn’t playing around, honest!”
Robotnik gave Snively an I-don’t-believe-a-word-of-this look and sighed with impatience. “Anyway, Snively, I just dropped by to inform you that I will be leaving the grounds shortly on a matter personal business. That means you will be left in charge until I return.” He narrowed his eyes. “I trust you will not fail me while I am gone.”
“F-fear not, my lord,” Snively stammered, worried about him doing just that. “I can assure you that absolutely nothing will go wrong.”
“For your sake, they had better not,” Robotnik growled.
Snively gulped. “Er, by the way, sir, where is it that you will be going?”
“Well, Snively, like I said- it’s a matter of personal business. So in other words, it’s PERSONAL and NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!”
“O-o-o-of c-c-course, sir, how foolish of me to ask,” Snively squeaked. ‘Oh, how I would love to have YOU dunked in oil, you pompous old windbag’ he thought bitterly to himself. “Sir, may I at least inquire when the next time you will be gracing me with your presence?” he asked meekly.
“Permission granted, nephew,” Robotnik replied. “I shall be returning by tomorrow morning.” He turned to leave. “Oh, and Snively- remember what I said. If anything goes wrong-” Robotnik made a slashing motion across his throat with his index finger. “Understand?”
Snively nodded with a gulp. “C-c-completely, sir.”
As Robotnik left, Cluck gave a squawk and perched on top of Snively’s head, much to his dismay. She then proceeded to yank away at his tiny strands of hair as if they were worms in the ground. Snively exhaled angrily and flung a handful of oil at her… but missed, and ended up splashing himself in the face instead.

“So, I’m in charge for once, huh? Well, this is a pleasant change,” Snively grinned as he settled back comfortably in his uncle’s oversized throne, something he would never even dream of daring to do normally. “It’s a shame that it’s only temporary though… and that he didn’t take that sorry excuse for a pet with him.” He glanced over in Cluck’s direction. Cluck was staring at him. But there was something strange about the way it looked at him… there was something almost eerie about it’s stare…
“Well, what are you looking at? Huh?” Snively sneered. Cluck continued to stare away. “Oh, what’s the matter, Clucky, you don’t like it that I’m sitting in your master’s chair? Well, get used to it, bird-brain! Because for the next twenty-four hours, Snively the Great is going to be the one in control! How do you like them apples, hmmm?”
Oddly enough, Cluck continued to stare directly into Snively’s eyes with that creepy gaze, just staring… staring… staring… it was really starting to freak him out! He tried to ignore it, but it couldn’t be done.
“Stop looking at me like that, will you? I don’t feel like having a staring contest, okay?” But Cluck continued staring directly into his eyes, not turning away. What could it possibly be thinking in that metal head? Snively shuddered, finding it almost impossible to avert his eyes. The darn thing was staring into his eyes with that deep, intent, creepy gaze like it meant to burn a hole in them. Just staring… staring… staring…
Suddenly, the mechanical bird’s eyes glowed a bright red! Snively gasped. “What in blazes?” He jumped up from his uncle’s chair and started to back away, accidentally toppling down the small flight of stairs that led to Robotnik’s throne. Glancing up, he noticed, much to his horror, that Cluck was now sitting on the top of the stairs, it’s blood-red glowing eyes still locked on him. Gasping, he backed away. “W-what’s wrong with you?! Don’t you come any closer, you hear?” Cluck just gave a loud squawk. Snively got to his feet and ran out of the control room as fast as he could.

Later that evening, Snively was relaxing in Robotnik’s private Home Entertainment Centre. He sat back on the giant, cushy couch in front of the enormous wide-screen T.V.- which was about as big as a movie theatre screen. Another advantage of having the place all too himself. Of course, Robotnik had never allowed his nephew to have access to this room, but hey, what ‘ol lard butt didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Snively grabbed the remote and flicked on the giant set. He just wanted to relax and forget about Cluck’s creepy behaviour.
Snively grinned. “I must say, the Big Round Guy certainly knows how to live!” He casually yawned and put his feet up on the coffee table. “Yes indeed, I could really get used to this! Now, this is the life!” He flipped through the channels. “Let’s see what Uncle Jullian’s exclusive satellite hook-up has to offer, shall we?” Click, click, click. He found a cooking program on. This Italian chef was demonstrating how to prepare some roast chicken dish. “And-a when-a you’re-a feenished basting your bird a-with ma extra-special marinating sauce, stick-a it in the oven until it come out a-golden brown.” He removed a pot from the oven and removed the lid. “Let’s-a have a smell. Mama-mia, you’ve-a got yourself one-a good cheeken dinner, eh?” The chef kissed his fingertips.
Snively snorted. “The last thing I need on my mind right now is anything related to chicken!” He changed the channel. Some cheesy clay-animated movie was on.
“And now here’s tonight’s special feature of ‘Chicken Run’!” the announcer said.
“Grrr…” Snively said, and switched the channel. Colonial Sanders was advertising his special Popcorn Chicken. “So ya’ll head on down to KFC for my special Popcorn Chicken! Remember, at KFC we do chicken right!”
“Drat!” Snively snapped, changing the channel again. ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’ were on. “Hey, Pa! Them gull-durn chickens done got outta the yard again!” called Jethro.
“Arggghh!!” Snively cried. “Every blasted station I turn to, I’m reminded of those misserable creatures !” He switched the channel again.
“I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!” the commercial sang out.
“Nooooo!!” Snively screamed, throwing the remote down. “I can’t take any more! It’s like an invasion of poultry, combined with constant subliminal messages! Is there no escape from those fiendish feathered fowls?!”
“Buk-buk-bukaw!” came an all-too-familiar voice from behind him.
Snively gasped and whipped around, only to see, much to his horror, Cluck perched on the back of the sofa, staring at him with those creepy glowing-red eyes. “ARRGGHH!! YOU’RE HAUNTING ME!!” he screamed, before zooming out of the room.

Snively was having the weirdest dream that night. He dreamt Cluck’s eerie blood-red eyes had somehow hypnotized him into doing the Chicken Dance. He wanted to stop, but it was entirely against his own will. Cluck was controlling him.
Snively woke up in a sweat. He glanced around his room and realized that it had been only a dream. That is to say, a nightmare! He just couldn’t figure out the reason why Cluck was behaving so strangely since Robotnik left that day! And what was up with those red glowing eyes? Snively tried to convince himself that the robotic hen was just malfunctioning… but wasn’t it a strange coincidence that it started malfunction so shortly after Robotnik left?
“Oh, this is absurd!” Snively said, rolling his eyes. “I’m all paranoid for nothing! The thing’s probably just got a few bugs to hammer out, that’s all! It’s just a silly coincidence!” He yawned. “I’ll tell Robotnik about it when he comes back tomorrow.” He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
Just then, there was this strange creeeeaking sound. Snively’s eyes jerked open. “What the…?” Oddly enough, his bedroom door was slowly creaking open. Nervously, he got out of bed and went over to the door. Nobody was there. But what could have caused it to open like that? “Er, I must have not shut it all the way, that’s all,” Snively tried to assure himself. He got back into bed… but not before quickly checking under the bed with a flashlight. After seeing nothing, he went to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, just as he was starting to doze off, another strange sound caused him to jerk awake. It sounded like… the sound of a chicken clucking? No, impossible! It couldn’t be. Just his paranoid imagination working overtime, that’s all…
“Buk-buk-buk.” There it was again! Snively was sure he heard it that time, clear as a bell. His eyes snapped open. The clucking seemed to grow closer… and closer…
“I’m not hearing this, no, I am not hearing this!” Snively cried in denial, shaking slightly. “J-just my imagination…n-nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure…” But the clucking sound continued, growing ever closer still… and then it stopped.
Snively sighed in relief. But then… much to his absolute horror…
HE SAW CLUCK PERCHED RIGHT ACROSS FROM HIM ON ONE OF THE BED-POSTS, IT’S BLOOD-RED EYES GLOWING IN THE DARK… AND LOCKED RIGHT ON HIM LIKE BEFORE!
Snively gasped. His mind could not accept this. This should not be. “I’m not seeing this!” he shrieked, clutching his blankets tightly, “I can’t be seeing this! No! It just can’t be!” He was terrified. He felt just like that guy in Edgar Allen Poe’s famous poem, ‘The Raven.’ He almost expected to hear “Never more” any second. “Take thy beak from out my heart,” he yelled, pointing at the mechanical fowl, “and take thy form from off my bed!”
Cluck just kept staring… and staring… and staring. Oh, those eyes…
Snively squeezed his eyes shut. “When I open my eyes again, it’ll be gone. It’s all in my mind…” He opened his eyes again… and saw…
CLUCK NOW SITTING RIGHT ON TOP OF STOMACH!
Snivley screamed and dove under his blankets. “What do you want from me?” he cried, now a shaky, panicky, whimpering mess. “Oh, please, I’m begging you, just leave me alone! Please just go away and leave me alone! I never did anything to you!”
Snively almost wanted his mommy for a minute.
Suddenly, he felt nothing. He heard nothing either. Slowly, he peeked out from under the covers.
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Snively reached over and flicked on his lamp. No mechanical fowl. He searched every inch of his room. Nothing under the bed. Nothing in the closet. Nope, no trace of the chicken. Could it have been a dream all along?
“A dream!” Snively said, laughing at his own foolishness. “What a fool I’ve been! It was all just a nightmare! Well, that’ll teach me to eat right before going to bed!” He turned to go back to bed… but then decided against it. “That does it! I’ve been completely unable to enjoy my time alone, all because of that insufferable bird! It’s bad enough I have to put up with it everyday… but when I start having nightmares about the thing, something’s definitely wrong! No clucking can-opener makes Snively the Great look like a complete “chicken” and gets away with it!” He grabbed his laser pistol from his drawer. “I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago!”

Snively found Cluck sitting in it’s nest in the control room. Naturally. “Aha! Just as I thought!” he said with a smirk. “Hi there, Clucky,” he said with an evil grin. “Guess what? Snively’s got a little surprise for you!” He pointed his laser pistol directly at Cluck, who clucked innocently. “See you in Hades, you clinking-clanking-clucking-collection-of-caliginous-junk!!” He fired, blasting the chicken to smithereens.
“YES!” Snively cried, throwing his fists in the air in triumph. “Victory is mine!” He smirked. “Well, I guess I’ll just tell ‘ol lard butt that his precious pet poultry must have gone missing. I mean, I can’t very well be blamed if one mechanical fowl flies the coop, now can I?” He scooped up the remaining evidence and dumped them into the chute that all the excess robotic parts and pieces were left over to be scrapped.

“Sir!” Snively faked delighted surprise as Robotnik entered the control room the next day. “What a pleasure to see you again! I do hope that your trip was nothing short of smashing!”
Robotnik ignored his nephew and went up to his throne. “Nothing went wrong, I trust?” he inquired with a warning tone in his voice.
“Well, sir,” Snively said, trying to hide a smirk, “it pains me to say that your beloved pet chicken has… gone missing shortly after you left yesterday. I just don’t know where she could have gone, sir! I searched high and low the entire time you were gone! I vowed that I would not rest until Cluck was found again for you!”
“Well, unfortunately, Snively, it was all a great waste of time,” Robotnik was saying, “because she’s right here.” And seated there beside him, much to Snively’s shock and disbelief, was Cluck, all in one piece!
‘No!!’ Snively thought frantically to himself, his mind reeling. ’But how?! It just can’t be! IT JUST CAN’T BE!!’
Suddenly, Cluck’s head slowly turned to face Snively. It’s eyes, much to his absolute horror, were locked directly on him once again, glowing that evil blood-red…

The End

So what did you guys think? Creepy, hey? So do you guys think that it was Snively’s paranoid imagination the entire time… or is there more to this robotic hen that meets the eye? Okay, on your mark… get set… REVIEW!