Coming out of the closet

By Shychick

Disclaimer- You surely don't mind if I borrow these characters for a little fun, now do you?

A/N- WARNING: This fic is crazy. Utterly crazy. Don't get offended, it's all for shits'n giggles.

Now, I've been known to lie... but this here's a true story.

It all began on one fine Monday morning, (Well, as fine as it gets in Robotropolis) when the Big Round Guy, as Snively liked to refer to his uncle, was immersing himself in his favorite hobby.

Now, Robotnik had made sure to put Snively right to work, guarding surveillance, as a kind of diversion. You see, Robotnik had wanted to be entirely alone with his little... 'hobby'. He had given Snively strict orders that he did not, for any reason unless it was of utmost importance, wish to be disturbed down in his quarters. Of course, he did not mention to Snively what his reason for wanting to be alone was, because it was none of his business. You know Snively- he never dares question his uncle's orders, he just carries 'em out like the obedient little bootlicker he is. After all, Snively is Robotnik's bitch, and he has to do as he is told.

Now don't think that Snively never wonders just what kind of shit his uncle is up to when he's not around. Tonight was no different. Yep, Snively always grew mighty suspicious whenever Robotnik told him that he wanted to be left alone in peace. It just seemed all too often to him. Why, it's almost like the Big Round Guy's got something to hide... he always would think to himself. What kind of skeletons does he keep in his closet, I wonder...

Snively knew that his uncle was pretty messed up in the head, but he had no idea how fucked up he actually was. But join me, won't you, as I unmask Dr. Robotnik's deep, dark, private little secret. Let's go spy on him in his bedroom, shall we? Come... don't be frightened... I'll protect you...

* * *

Down in his personal chamber, we see Robotnik- ya might wanna cover your eyes at this part, guys, and I hope you don't have anything in your stomachs right now- what's this?! Jacking off to porn? No! Why, God have mercy on all our souls, he's... he's... STANDING IN FRONT OF HIS MIRROR, WEARING NOTHING BUT A JUMBO-SIZED PAIR OF PANTIES AND A BRA! AND TRYING ON VARIOUS SHADES OF LIPSTICK???!!

Yes, my friends, that's right. You heard it here first. Whenever Robotnik is not busy plotting against Sonic and the Freedom Fighters, he likes to engage in his private hobby... trying on lingerie, pantyhose, and other women's undergarments. Now you know the shocking truth behind Robotnik. The shocking truth they never dared reveal to us in the Archie comic or in Dic's show, for censory reasons, of course. Yes. Robotnik has two sides to him, you see- his evil side... and his transexual side, which he only let out when he was alone in his own room. Robotnik had learned a great deal about the life-style of a transvestite, as he had only watched and studied The Rocky Horror Picture Show 1000000 times.

It was at that moment that Snively just happened to let his curiosity finally get the better of him. He decided to check out the interior of Robotnik's room up on the monitors. 'Let's just see what old Lard-Ass is up to this evening, shall we?' he said with a chuckle. And much to his horror, he saw- lo and behold!- his own uncle doing some kind of lap-dance in front of his mirror, clad in lingerie and pantyhose, tons of makeup on, and singing 'I'm Just a Sweet Little Tansvestite'.

'OH, MY GOD!!!!' Snively screamed. 'THE BIG ROUND GUY... IS A HOMOSEXUAL!!!'

At that moment, Robotnik entered the Control Room, out of nowhere, now wearing one of those back, tight, leather thong thingies from Rocky Horror. 'Actually, nephew, I prefer the term, 'Transvestite'. A transexual transvestite, to be precise,' he said. He then, uh, lap-danced his way on over to Snively, who felt terrified for his life... more so then ever before. 'S-s-s-sir?' he whimpered. 'Are you f-f-feeling all right, my lord? Y-you're not exactly acting like yourself, if I may be so bold as to say so...'

Robotnik giggled like a school-girl. 'Oh, I am such a sexy bitch,' he declared, slapping his own ass. He continued to do his sick little lap-dance thing, around one of the metal poles in the Control Room. 'Don't you think I'm a sexy bitch, Snivvy?' he asked, shaking his ass in his nephew's face. The near-by SWATBots then exploded, like the FemBots in Austin Powers.

Snively turned and vomited all over the floor. 'Sir,' he gasped, 'I really do think you may have gone mad with stress this time... p-perhaps the constant wretched feeling of loosing to the Hedgehog throughout the years?' he meekly suggested, holding up a finger.

Robotnik ignored him. 'Oh, behave,' he giggled. 'Come on, spank me, you dirty boy! Spank dis big, bad monkey, baby!'

'FOR FUCK SAKES, SIR, I'M YOUR OWN NEPHEW!!!' Snively screamed. 'GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, YOU SICK-ASS PERVERT!!!'

'Oh, deary me,' Robotnik giggled. 'So sorry, old boy. I can be such a naughty old stinker sometimes, now can't I? Here, Snivvy-poo, give your old uncle Julian a smack for being wicked.'

'AAAAAHHHH!!!' Snively screamed, accidenly running smack into a pole and falling down.

The Lumbering Faggot approached him from above, casting a huge shadow onto his tiny body. 'Now then,' he said, hands on hips, 'shall we shag now or shall we shag later, my cute litttle bitch?' He then held up a rope in his hands. 'I so love it when you play hard to get. It really turns me on. I might have to end up doing this the hard way, after all... but then, that's the way I like it, baby!'

But before, Robotnik could get a chance to tie Snively down, the little man screamed in terror, lept up, and fled from the room.

'Oh, be niiiice, you cute little stinker,' Robotnik called after him. 'My word, he didn't even slip a twenty into my knickers. How dreadfully rude.' He took a big swig of hard champane and started to lap-dance to 'I Believe in Miracles'.

* * *

'Oh... sweet... mother... of Mobius...' Snively gasped, sitting crouched-down on his own bedroom floor. 'M-my own uncle, my own boss, is t-t-trying to r-r-rape meee... t-turn me from just his ordinary slave into his s-s-sex slave!' He burried his face into his hands and moaned, on the brink of sobs. After rocking back and forth in a fetal position for about two minutes, (Yeah, we're talking total phycological damage on poor, confused Snively here!) Snively suddenly got a brilliant idea. 'That's it!' he cried, jumping up. 'The Big Round Gay has finally, for some reason, decided to 'come out of the closset' with his sick little private pleasures. Flaunting his transexual ways in front of me, his own nephew, is one thing... but I'd wager dollars to donuts that the one being on Mobius he wouldn't dare reveal his secret to is... the Hedgehog.' He evilly rubbed his hands together. 'I'll take pictures of Robotnik while he's immersed in his little 'hobby', blow them up to poster-size, photo-copy them, and post them up all over the city! Once the Hedgehog and those other forest brats bear witness to his nasty past-time, the next time they invade Robotropolis, then it'll be curtains for Lard-Ass's reputation! And once Robotnik finds out that his #1 nemisis knows, then, my word, he'll be so humiliated that he'll have no choice but to run away from Robotropolis and never return! And once he's finally gone, then I, Snively the Great, will at long last take my rightfully-deserved position as ruler of all of Mobius!'

Laughing maniacally, he then proceded to put his master plan into action...

* * *

'SIR, SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, BUT THERE IS A PHOTOGRAPHER HERE FROM 'TRANSEXUALS WEEKLY' WHO WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU,' a SWATBot droned through the speaker-pannel on Robotnik's door.

'Transexuals Weekly?! Here?! Now?! Well, upon my word! What an unexpected surprise! I expect they'll want to photograph me for the cover-page of next week's issue, no doubt!' Robotnik squealed like a giddy school-girl. 'My, oh, my!' He suddenly gasped in horror. 'And I'm not even wearing my good panties! Heavens!' He quickly stumbled around like a lumbering oaf, trying to change into his decent underwear, accidentally knocking into several things.

From outside, Snively could make out great crashing noises from within, as well as the occasional 'Whoopsie-doodle!' Finally, he heard Robotnik yell, 'Show him in!' to the 'Bot. Snively, disguised in a wig, photographer's outfit, and sunglasses, entered the room, only to find his uncle lying seductively accross his heart-shaped bed, clad in a tight black leather thong and wearing tons of red lipstick. 'Hey, sugar-lips,' Robotnik giggled, waving a hanky at Snively. 'So, little man, what brings you to these parts?'

'Hello, luv! Flash Evans is the name, shooting is my game!' Snively said, trying to act like one of those big-time photographers you see on TV and in the movies. 'I've personally come from Transexuals Weekly to shoot you for our upcoming article! You'll be smack on the front cover, darling! You'll be famous! You'll be sensational! You'll be a smash!' He held up his camera. 'Shall we begin, luv?' he asked with a sly grin.

* * *

'Oh, that's it, yes, yes, come on, luv, work it, baby, work it!' 'Flash' exclaimed, half-an-hour later. 'Yes, that's it! You're a whale! Let me see you flop around like the bloody-great beached whale you are!' Snap, click, flash! went the flash-bulb. 'Yes, okay, now you're a mighty gorilla! You're King of the Jungle; you're King Kong! I want you to scale that furniture, beat your chest, and roar like the mighty king you are! You're angry, darling, lots of feeling now!' Snap, click, flash! 'Yes, okay, good... and, I'm spent!' 'Flash' finally said, tossing his camera behind him. He grabbed his camera, threw his scarf around his neck, and grinned at Robotnik through his sunglasses. 'Well, luv, you were a smash! It's been great working with you, darling! Don't forget to pick up next month's article now! 'Ta!' With that, he turned to leave... but Robotnik yanked him back by the scarf. 'Why, whatever is the hurry, Mr. Flash... er, may I call you 'Flash'?' he giggled seductively. 'You know, I get the feeling that I'm seen you somewhere before? Have we met?' He pulled off 'Flash's' sunglasses, only to reveal his nephew underneath. 'SNIVELY!!!'

'Er, I can explain, sir!' Snively cried out. Whimpering, he then burst out into sobs. 'Oh, for the love of God, please don't rape me!' he begged, sobbing. 'I'm already scarred for life, as it is!' He continued sobbing away.

'Why, Snively Kintobor, you naughty little rascal. Just for that, I'm going to let you have the pleasure of witnessing me model my many sets of undergarments for you! I just bought a new wardrobe that I've just been dying to try out...'

Snively gulped, sweating and shaking.

* * *

Moments later, Dr. 'Ivy' Robotnik enjoyed himself by modeling his collection of 'unmentionables' for Snively, who was helplessly strapped down to the bed, bound and gagged. 'MMMPHH!!!' he cried, his words muffled. (Translation: 'HELLLP!!!')

Robotnik just giggled and let one of his bra-straps slip, revealing his ever-hairy chest. 'Ah, the strong slient type... that really turns me on.' He then turned up the volume on 'I Believe in Miracles' and went into a lap-dance. 'Whatever floats your boat, little man... it's all gravy, baby...'

THE END! (Thank God!)

I really appologize to anybody who was offended by this. I am in no means intentionally trying to bash or make fun of gay people; it's all strictly for fun! I'm just really hyper right now, and I nearly pissed myself just writing this tonight. If you were offended, then please accept my appology. I really am sorry. JUST DON'T FLAME ME!!!! I DUNNO WHAT THE HELL I WAS THINKING!!! *Snickers* I guess I just felt rather nauuughty...

This has been a Shychick Production!