Disclaimer- I own squat! Don’t sue my ass, please!

Here’s another crazy fic from me, Shychick! Like all my fics, it revolves mostly around Snively. Yes, I am a Snivelyshipper! And I don’t care what anybody else thinks either!

Everything about the Snivester I write is dedicated to fellow Snivvyshipper, A. Fluery. (Waves) Hey, Ali!

(By the way, guys, I know that Scratch and Grounder belongs to the AoStH series, not the SatAM series, but hey, it’s a fanfic, it doesn’t have to make sense!

Anyway, without further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!

Scratch and Grounder were feeling bored. So they decided to go exploring.

They came across the Feeding Chamber (or kitchen, whatever ya wanna call it). Just out of plain curiosity, they decided to have a peek in the fridge to see what kind of stuff it contained.

The fridge was stacked with piles and piles of food (it was a very large fridge, by the way). “Wow! Dr. Robotnik sure has a big refrigerator!” Grounder exclaimed.

“Gee, maybe that’s because he keeps a lot of food, dumb-bot!” Scratch said sarcastically.

“Yeah, no wonder he’s so fat!” Grounder said with a laugh.

But just than, centered among all that food, something very shocking stood out, causing the two badniks to gasp in surprise… a twelve-pack!

“Hey, what’s that?” Grounder cried.

“What’s it look like, dumbass, Coca-Cola? It’s beer!” Scratch snapped.

“I didn’t know Dr. Robotnik kept beer!” Grounder said, looking confused. “Hey, maybe it belongs to Snively.”

“That wimp?! Yeah, right!” Scratch laughed.

The two ‘bots stared at the gleaming cans of beer for a few seconds. Than, all of a sudden, Scratch said, “Hey, Grounder! I wonder what would happen if we drank some?”

“What are you, crazy?” Grounder cried. “We’re robots! We don’t eat or drink! Besides, if it does belong to Robotnik, than he’d have us scrapped, if he found it missing!”

“First of all, genius, just because robots DON’T eat or drink anything, it doesn’t mean that we CAN’T!” Scratch said. “I’m just sick of drinking oil all the time! And so what if Robotnik finds his beer missing? W can just blame it on ‘ol Needlenose!”

Grounder grinned. “Oh, yeah. Good point.”

A few minutes later, the two badniks had each finished two cans of beers each, and were already drunk off their metal asses and were loudly laughing and snorting their stupid druken heads off for absolutely no reason, like the idiots they are. (Hey, who says robots can’t get wasted? Just ‘cause it’s never been proven before…)

“And just what is so amusing, ignoramuses?” a snooty nasal British accent asked. The drunken bots glanced up to see Snively standing in the doorway, arms folded impatiently across his chest. “What do you two think you are doing?”

“Hey, Snively!” Scratch cried, holding up his can of beer. “You gotta try this stuff! It’s great!”

“Yeah, it makes you feel like you’re floating!” Grounder chimed in.

Snively regarded the cans with a shocked look. “Is that alcohol? Where on Mobius did you get that?” he demanded.

“Duhhh… from the fridge?” hiccuped a more-than-slightly-tipsy Grounder.

“Really now, imbecile, that should be quite obvious,” Snively said, rolling his eyes at the mole-bot’s drunken stupidity. A grin crossed his face. “Well, well, well…so it would appear that the Big Round Guy has been holding out on us, hasn’t he? But you both must stop this at once! Robotnik will not be the least bit pleased when he finds his precious stash missing, which, I might add, goes without saying.”

“Come on, Sniv, join us!” Scratch said, offering a can to the tiny Overlander. “You haven’t lived ‘till you’ve tried this stuff!”

Snively simply regarded him with his usual arrogant gaze. “I really think not, you tipsy tin-can!”

“Aw, whatsa matter, Sniv, are ya SCARED?” Grounder sneered.

“Yeah, that’s it!” Scratch laughed. “ol’ Needlenose is just bein’ a big chicken!”

“Look who’s talking,” Snively said coolly. “And I most certainly am not afraid!”

“Yeah, sure, Snively,” Scratch laughed. “You jus’ scared ‘cause you never tasted alchyhol before in your life! Admit it!”

“Come on, Sniv, lighten up! You never wanna have any fun!” Grounder said. He snickered. “Whassa matter, “Snively the Great” afraid of drinking a little beer? Ha! What a wuss!”

Snively raised an eyebrow.

Seconds later…

“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” the two badniks chanted as Snively gulped down his third can of beer straight. Finished, he crushed the can, tossed it over his shoulder, and gave a loud belch. Scratch and Grounder cheered loudly.

Snively bowed. “Oh, really now, you’re too kind. ‘Twas nothing, really…”

Scratch placed a wing on Snively’s shoulder and grinned at him. “You’re one of the boys now, Sniv.”

The two drunken bots and one drunken Overlander wobbled down the hall, arms around each other’s shoulders, singing “Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall” loudly. Just than they bumped into Packbell, who just happened to be heading down to the control room.

The annoyed android glared at the three. “Watch where you’re going, fools,” he snapped.

“Heyyy, couuuusin,” hiccuped Snively with a grin. “What’s the good word?”

Packbell’s inner system indicated quite clearly what was going on. “You’re drunk!” he cried. “You’re all drunk! How the hell did that happen?”

“Thas for us to know, and you to find out,” Snively said. He turned to Scratch and Grounder. “Right, fellas?”

“Right!” they both replied in unison.

Packbell frowned. “Well, I have just one thing to ask you three imbeciles…”

“Ask us no questions, we tell you no lies,” Snively said.

Packbell suddenly grinned. “Do you guys wanna head on down to the nearest bar and knock back a few together?”

Scratch, Grounder, and Snively’s eyes lit up. “Well, Commander, it appears I’ve underestimated you,” Snively said with a grin.

“Wha’ ‘bout Robotnik?” Grounder asked.

Packbell shook his head. “Fear not. The good doctor has retired for the evening. We’ll just have to make sure we return before morning.”

“Excellent!” cried Snively. “Well, come on, my chums! The night is young! Let us go booze it ‘till we lose it!”

“Hey! We don’t serve your kind in here!” the owner of the bar snapped, as he chucked Scratch, Grounder, and Packbell out. He glared at the outraged bots. “You’re droids! You’ll have to wait outside!”

Snively smiled and winked at the others. “Relax, fellows, I’ll handle this.” He strolled up to the man, who eyed him suspiciously. “Good evening, my good man,” he said casually. “May my friends and I drink in your fine establishment of drinking, yes?” He than produced a fifty-dollar bill and handed it to the man.

The man grinned as he took the bill. “Well now, that’s a horse of a different color. Please, go on in.”

Snively couldn’t help grinning as he and the others walked past the man and into the bar. “You see what a little finsky can do to a guy’s attitude?” he said.

The four of them strolled up to the counter. “You there! Barkeep!” Packbell snapped to the guy behind the counter. “Give me the hardest stuff you have, and be quick about it!”

The bartender poured him a shot of hard vodka. “Here. This is the strongest stuff we got.”

“We’ll take scotch and soda!” Scratch and Grounder piped up.

“And two scotch and sodas, as well,” Packbell added to the bartender.

“Hey! I want something! I work harder than you!” Snively demanded. “Besides, I’m the one who got you guys in here! Order me a shot of whisky!”

Packbell sighed. “Fine. Barkeep, I’ll take a shot of whisky as well.” He smiled evilly. “Oh, and charge everything to him,” he added, jerking a thumb in Snively’s direction.

“WHAT? Why should I be the one to pick up the tab?” Snively cried. “You owe me, you ungrateful android, it if weren’t for me you’d all still be stuck outside!”

“That may be true,” Packbell smirked, “but you’re the only one who has any money!”

Snively sighed. “Oh, fine then!” he snapped.

Just than, Snively noticed a very sexy woman over on the dance floor. She was dancing to the rave music that was playing. Snively watched her move her sexy body to the beat, much intrigued. “Capital knockers!” he hooted with a grin. “Shake it, madam!”

Packbell snorted. “Amateur! Stand aside and let a real pro show you how it’s done!” He casually strolled up to the woman and started playfully smacked her ass. “Are those astronaut pants?” he asked. “Cause your bod is outta this world!”

The woman giggled. Packbell just grinned. “Did it hurt?”

“Did what hurt?” the woman giggled.

“When you fell from heaven,” Packbell replied. He stumbled backward. “Whoa, somebody call the cops! ‘Cause this girl’s just stolen my heart!”

The woman grinned. “I like you. Wanna buy me a drink?”

“Yeah!” Packbell said. They walked over to the bar. “Barkeep! Pour me a shot a rum and Coke for my girl here!”

“The bloody hell?” an outraged Snively cried. “First you have the audacity to steal her from me when I clearly saw her first, and than you make me pay for her drink as well? This is bullshit, Packbell!”

“So yeah, my little friend here’ll pay for your drink,” Packbell said to the chick, ignoring Snively.

Snively growled, and glanced over at Scratch and Grounder, who were playing Quarters. He ordered another shot of whiskey.

About half and hour later, Snively was on his tenth drink, and was completely drunk off his ass. “Hey, Packbell, jus’ you wait until I take my fatass uncle out of power and take over. Than I won’t have to take no shit from you, him, the Hedgehog, or anybody else anymore! First Robotropolis, than all of Mobius!” He broke out into drunken maniacal laughter. “Everyone who ever opposed me in the past will pay dearly! Ohhh, yes, there will be a hell to pay indeed!”

Packbell ignored him. He was far too immersed in making out with the chick he met earlier.

“Are you listening to me, you bastard?” Snively demanded. “How dare you ignore Snively the Great, future ruler of all of Mobius!” He smiled, as a thought suddenly struck him. “Hmm, perhaps I’ll name this city after me- Snivelytropolis! Yes, I like the sound of that… what do you think, Packbell?”

Packbell pulled his face from the girl’s long blond hair (or fur). “I think you should shut the hell up and leave us alone, you little freak, before I kick your scrawny little ass!” He went back to making out with what’s-her-face.

“How dare you speak to me like that?! Do you have any idea who you’re dealing with?!” Snively yelled. “You need to show your future master some respect, Packbell! Now, on your knees, fool! Bow down to the great and powerful Lord Snively!!”

Packbell turned away from the girl and angrily shot a laser blast from his android eyes right at Snively.

Snively dodged it. “HEY! Watch what you’re doing, shit-head!” he yelled. He whipped out his laser pistol and aimed a blast right back at the android.

The bouncer came over, took a beer bottle, and smashed it against the counter. “Hey, cut the shit!” he shouted. “Now take it outside, unless you wanna feel the broken end of this here bottle shoved in your drunk faces!” He glared at Snively. “All right, shrimp, let’s see some I.D. first!”

“I can’t take this shit no more!” Snively screamed. “I’ve had enough of everybody’s bullshit, making cracks about my height, and everything else! You want to see some I.D.? Fine! I’ll show you some #& I.D.!!” With that, he proceeded to moon the bouncer. “How’s that, asshole? Huh?”

Snively pulled his pants back up, and grabbed the woman’s hand. “Come on, toots, let’s go somewhere a little more private.”

“Hey! What the hell, Snively? Thas my bitch!” Packbell yelled.

Snively shook his head. “No, no. You drunk, foo’… you know that she’s MY bitch!”

The woman just shook her head in disgust. “You know what? I really don’t want to hear anymore. I’m leaving now,” she said as she got up and walked away.

“Thanks a lot, Needlenose!” Packbell said. “Now look what you’ve done!”

Snively just shrugged. “Eh, she probably was a lesbian anyway…”

Sniv, Packbell, Scratch, and Grounder headed back to the Death Egg, drunker than ever, all singing that “So Happy Together” song. Just than, Snively spotted Sonic and Sally coming down the street, probably returning from another mission in Robotropolis.

“Ah, the Princess!” Snively cried. He rushed up to her and announced, “Greetings, Princess.” He grinned. “I don’t fight fate, baby. I’m you’re kind of man and you’re my kind of woman. Kiss me, you fool!” He tried to make out with her.

Sally could smell the strong scent of cheap whisky on his breath. “What the hell is wrong with you, you little freak? You’re drunk, get off of me! Who do you think you are?!”

“Hey, get offa her, shrimp-boat!” Sonic yelled, as he zoomed towards Snively and spin-dashed him away, along with Scratch, Grounder, and Packbell.

“Looks like Team ‘Botnik’s blasting off again!” they cried, as they sailed through the air and disappeared from sight.

1 The End

Well, what did you guys think? I was not drunk when I wrote this (I don’t drink, myself), but I was VERY hyper! Please be nice and review!

This has been a Shychick Production!