Disclaimer- Do I own “Sonic the Hedgehog” or any related characters? HMM, LET ME THINK!

“Where is that miserable little excuse for a lackey?” Dr. Robotnik snapped, as he impatiently paced back and forth down in the Control Room. “He was supposed to hand in those status reports to me an hour ago!” He went over to the Com-Link over on the console and turned it on. “Snively! Where the hell are you? And where are those blasted reports I specifically requested of you? You’re late turning them in to me!” He growled angrily. “I trust you have a good excuse for your lack of responsibility?”

“Um, w-well, actually, s-sir,” stammered the nasal, whiny, slightly- accented voice from the speakers, “I’ve already completed them, but I’m afraid you’ve caught me at a bit of a bad time right now…”

There was an eerie pause. “Oh, really?” Robotnik asked in an unusually calm tone. “Well, Snively, perhaps I should make something clear to you- I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF DOING RIGHT NOW! HOW DARE YOU DELIBERATELY KEEP ME WAITING LIKE THIS, WHILE YOU GO OFF AND TEND TO YOUR OWN BUSINESS! NOW CEASE WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE DOING, AND BRING ME THOSE REPORTS! NOW!!” Robotnik screamed.

“Y-y-yes, sir, at once, sir!” squeaked Snively. “I apologize, my lord, it won’t happen again!”

“It had better not, you lazy little wretch,” Robotnik growled. “Because if it does…” His voice trailed off, hinting a threat at the end. He clicked the Com-Link off. “Where does that little worm get the nerve?” he fumed. “He’s just lucky I haven’t roboticized him a long time ago!”

About ten minutes later, Snively entered the Control Room with a handful of reports, looking less than pleased. He was wearing a green towel around his waist and a shower cap on his head. ‘Can’t I even shower in peace without ‘ol Fatass bellowing at me every five seconds?’ he thought to himself. He walked over to Robotnik. “Here are those f-f-fuc- ah, I mean, here are those reports you requested, sir,” he said through gritted teeth, trying to hold in his annoyance.

Robotnik grabbed the papers from his hands. “It’s about time!” he snapped. “And don’t you ever keep me waiting like that again! Next time, I will not be so tolerable with you! Is that clear?”

Snively sighed. “Yes, sir. I should have kept better track of the time.”

“Yes, Snively, you should have!” Robotnik said impatiently. He paused. “And by the way, you are dripping water all over my clean floor.” He snatched away Snively’s towel and started to wipe up the drops of water with it. Snively shrieked, covered his genitals with his shower cap, and hurried out of the room.

Later that evening, Snively was sitting in his bedroom in his green bathrobe, reading a novel. It had been a fairly relaxing evening, for once. No Freedom Fighters had attacked the city, much to Snively’s relief. He was sick of those wretched creatures always causing trouble, which usually resulted in him getting in trouble with his uncle.

Snively was so immersed in his book that he didn’t even notice Packbell, Robotnik’s android “son” enter his room. “Hey, Needlenose, what’re you reading?”

Snively looked up, annoyed with being disturbed. “Really now, can’t I ever get a moment to myself around here?” he yelled. “Packbell, how many times must I tell you to stay out of my room? I didn’t invite you in here! Now let me be!”

“Cripes, Sniv’, that ain’t very friendly of you,” Packbell said with an amused smirk. “I just dropped by to lend you something of mine to read. I know you like reading, and I believe that this would make excellent reading indeed!”

“Hmm…” Snively said skeptically. “I see. Well than, what have you brought me, Packbell? I didn’t think you even owned any books. Come to think of it, I thought you hated reading altogether.”

“I do! It’s such a boring waste of time!” Packbell said. He grinned. “But there is one type of reading material that never fails to fascinate me!” With that, he dropped a magazine into Snively’s lap. “What do you think of that?”

Snively glanced down at the magazine and gasped in horror. There was a picture of a naked woman on the front cover! “ACK! Packbell, this is PORNOGRAPHY!” he cried, shoving it off his lap. “This is nothing but low- down, filthy, smut! Get this disgusting piece of trash out of my sight! You know I don’t look at this stuff!”

“Oh, I’m sooo sorry!” Packbell said sarcastically. “Oh, gee, did I offend your virgin eyes, Needlenose? Really, what was I thinking?”

“Oh, come off it! I simply refuse to lower myself down to your level, Packbell,” Snively insisted. “The kind of material you insist on immersing yourself in is not only pointless, but it displays a complete lack of respect for women! Honestly, how can you look at those things with a clear conscience? It makes me feel morally soiled by even having that filth near my presence! Now kindly leave and take your repulsive magazine with you! I, for one, have more worth-while things to occupy my time with, Commander.”

“Wuss,” Packbell sneered. “You should be more grateful, Snively! I’m only trying to help you! For the love of Mobius, you’re a grown man and you get offended by pornography! How pathetic is that? I mean, I’m not even flesh and blood, and I still get turned on by this stuff! Now, what does that say about you?” He smirked. “I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the future looks very bleak for your sex life, Sniv’… not that you even have one anyway! You’re pathetic, you know that?” He shook his head and sighed dramatically. “Never even jacked off to porn before… it’s a crying shame, really…”

“All right, I’ve heard enough!” Snively snapped. “And since when is my personal business a concern to you, Packbell? Now get out!”

“Whatever. See you around, freak.” The android left with a smirk.

Snively shook his head in disgust. “That android really has a one-track mind, I must say,” he muttered before turning his attention back to his novel.

The next day…

“HEDGEHOG ALERT, PRIORITY ONE!” the computer announced.

“Dr. Robotnik!” Snively cried. “The Hedgehog has destroyed every single SWATBot I’ve sent out!”

“Well than, send out more, damnit!” Robotnik yelled impatiently. “I want that miserable little rodent captured!”

“But, sir, won’t the Hedgehog simply destroy those Units as well?” Snively asked wearily.

Packbell shoved his little ‘cousin’ to the hard floor. “Nobody asked your opinion, Needlenose! Just do it!”

Robotnik smiled. “Thank you, Commander,” he said.

“You son of a bitch,” Snively muttered under his breath, as he got to his feet.

“I beg your pardon, nephew?” Robotnik glared at him. “Did you speak?”

“Er, I said that ‘Bot #52 appears to have a glitch, sir! I’d better go down and see to it,” Snively said quickly, as he hurried out of the room.

Robotnik sighed. “Packbell, send out some MegaMuck Units to slow those Freedom Fighters down, would you?”

“Happy to comply, Dr Robotnik,” Packbell replied, carrying out the order.

Of course, the SWATBot didn’t really have a glitch in it, but Snively figured that what Robotnik didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. Plus, he figured that he would personally try to stop the Freedom Fighters himself. That would show his uncle that he wasn’t incompetent. But first he had to take a leak, so he quickly stopped in the washroom on his way down to the SWATBot factory, where the Freedom Fighters were.

Snively hurried over to a urinal and unzipped his pants, relieving himself. “Ahhh…” he moaned happily. “There’s nothing like a good urination!” It felt so good that Snively almost didn’t want it to stop. Finishing up, he zipped up his pants, flushed the urinal, and went to wash his hands. “I believe that was the nicest piss I ever took,” he said to himself, as he dried his hands. “And now, back to business! I just hope those rotten little rodents haven’t fled the grounds yet!” He turned to run out of the washroom, but his foot came down on something lying on the floor, causing him to slip and fall. Growling, he reached over and grabbed what had caused him to slip. “What is this?” he snapped. Gasping, he realized that it was one of Packbell’s porno magazines, and quickly let it drop from his hands. “Damn that android! Who does he think he is, just carelessly leaving his trash lying around? Why, it’s almost like he did it deliberately, just to agitate me! Well, I’ll show him! I’ll just destroy his precious smut! I’m sure it won’t be any great loss to him; he’s got more where this came from, no doubt…” He grabbed the magazine in his hands and was just about to tear it in half, when his eyes came in contact with the naked woman on the front. He tried to avert his eyes, but it just couldn’t be done. He couldn’t tear up the magazine and he couldn’t look away from it, no matter how hard he tried. “G-got to f-f-fight it,” he gasped. “C-can’t l-lose c-control! C-can’t… give in… to this smut… Must…destroy… magazine… before… it’s… too late!” But the more he tried to turn away from it, the harder it became for him to resist it. His eyes were, against his will, locked on the sexy model on the front page. Sweat was pouring down his face, as he fought to give in to his natural urges…

Just than, the woman on the front cover seemed to wink at him! Of course, it was just his imagination, but it still was enough to enlarge the bulge in his crotch, which threatened to explode in a built-up tempest of unbridled furry at any second. “I… CAN’T… TAKE… ANYMORRRRE!!” Snively screamed, as he grabbed the magazine and locked himself inside one of the stalls with it. He unzipped his pants…

Meanwhile, Sonic, Sally, Bunnie, and Rotor had just finished up blowing up the SWATBot factory. “Good job, guys!” Sally said. “Come on, let’s hurry back to Knothole before Robotnik sends out more SWATbots after us.”

“Hold up, Sal, I gotta take a leak in the worst way,” Sonic said. “You guys go on ahead. I’ll meet you back home in a Sonic second.”

Sally just rolled her eyes. “For heaven’s sake, Sonic, we’ll be back in Knothole soon enough! Can’t you wait? It’s too dangerous to stick around here any longer!”

“Relax, Sal, it’s all cool,” Sonic insisted. “I’ll be done before you guys even get back to Knothole! Don’t worry about the Hedgehog.”

Sally sighed. “Oh, all right. But just be careful, okay, Sonic?”

Sonic grinned. “You know what your problem is, Sal? You worry too much!” With that, he zoomed off in the direction of Robotnik’s fortress.

“And his problem is that he doesn’t worry enough,” Sally muttered.

Sonic crept inside of the Death Egg through one of the air-ducts. When he was sure that there were no guards around, he quickly zoomed down the corridor where he knew a washroom was located. He quickly hurried inside and relieved himself. “That’s better,” he said, after washing his hands. “Now to jam back to Knothole!” He was just about to leave, when he heard a familiar-sounding voice coming from inside one of the stalls. “Oh my, how intriguing!” said Snively from inside of the stall. “Ohhh, sweetheart, where have you been all my life? What capital knockers!” A loud groan of pleasure emitted from the stall. “Ohhh, yes! That’s just what I wanted to see! Ohhh, yes, come to Papa! I must have more! More, more, more!” he gasped. “YES!”

“Oh… my… God,” Sonic said, shocked. “Don’t tell me Needlenose is doing what I think he’s doing… him, of all people… man, that’s just disturbing!” Bracing himself, he Spin-dashed the door open, only to see the most disturbing and shocking thing he’s ever seen in his life…

He yelled in surprise.

Snively yelled in surprise.

Fighting an urge to throw up, Sonic backed away. “Whoa, sorry to interrupt, Snidely! I’ll be cruising now!” He grinned. “Oh, man, wait’ll the guys hear about this! They’ll never believe it!” He sped up and zoomed off.

“NOOO!!” Snively screamed, as he quickly zipped up his pants and got to his feet. “The Hedgehog heard and saw everything! Now that miserable rodent is going to spread the word to every citizen in Knothole! My reputation is ruined! RU-U-UINED!” he screamed, falling to his knees. “DAMN YOU, HEDGEHOG!” he screamed. “DAMN YOU TO HELL!! Now I’ll never be able to show my face in public again!”

“The Hedgehog wasn’t the only one who knows about your little erotic fantasies, Needlenose!” Packbell said, as he entered the washroom grinning from ear to ear. He held up a video in his hand. “Guess who saw and recorded everything on the surveillance monitors?”

“NOOO!!” Snively screamed. “Damn you, Packbell! You planted that filthy magazine there for me to come across, didn’t you? This was all part of your little plan, wasn’t it?”

“Actually, Sniv’, it was really more of a test,” Packbell declared. “I simply wanted to test your manliness… I wanted to see if you would react like any other normal guy would.” He grinned and nodded. “I really didn’t think that it could be done, Snively, but you passed the test. Congratulations. I guess you aren’t made of stone after all.”

“Oh, God,” moaned Snively. “Robotnik must have seen everything on the monitors too! He’s going to blame me for letting the Freedom Fighters destroy his factory and escape, while I was busy immersing myself in this disgusting filth!” He gasped. “Packbell, do you have any idea what I’m in for if he knows?”

“Lucky for you, he doesn’t know, Needlenose,” Packbell said. “He was taking a nap when it happened. But don’t get too comfortable, Sniv’, ‘cause I can show him this little goody anytime,” he smirked, holding up the video.

“Oh, for the love of Mobius, NO!” Snively screamed. “You can’t, Packbell!” He glared at Packbell. “Commander, as your superior, I order you to give me that tape! I am higher rank than you, after all!”

Packbell looked bored. “Yeah, sure, Needlenose. Like I’m really going to take orders from the likes of you!” He grinned. “Besides, you’d probably only use it to jerk off from anyway.” He snickered and tucked the video under his arm. “No, I believe that I will hold onto this for a little while, my deprived comrade. So if I were you, I would watch myself, Needlenose, if you catch my drift. If you get on my nerves, I’m liable to let the cat out of the bag. So you had better be very careful…”

Snively sighed in frustration. “Very well, Commander. We have a deal,” he said between gritted teeth. ‘I’m being blackmailed’ he thought to himself. ‘Well, that’s just bloody terrific’.

“Still not clean!” Snively cried, as he scrubbed away at himself in the shower the next morning. “Still feel so dirty after manipulating myself to that perverted smut! All the soap and water in the world couldn’t rid me of this feeling! Even my conscience feels unclean!” Finishing up his shower, he toweled himself off, got into his green uniform, and combed what was left of his hair. Ready for work, he hurried down to the Control Room, where his uncle would be waiting.

“Hello, nephew,” Robotnik said in an eerily-low tone.

“Oh, g-good morning, Dr. Robotnik,” Snively replied nervously.

“I’ve been meaning to speak to you about yesterday,” Robotnik continued. “You let the Hedgehog and those other blasted Freedom Fighters escape, didn’t you?”

“Y-yes, sir,” Snively stamered.

“Are you also aware, Snively, that they managed to destroy SWATBot factory #5 as well?” Robotnik went on in that calm, eerie tone.

“Y-y-yes, s-s-sir,” Snively stammered, sweating like mad now, as he tugged nervously on his shirt collar.

“I suppose you have a good excuse for this…?”

“W-well, you see, sir, I was on my way down to deal with them personally, b- but I had to m-make a quick stop at the restroom first. Y-you see, I drank a great deal of coffee yesterday, sir…”

Robotnik’s eerie metallic voice sent a shiver down his nephew’s spine. “Oh, I doubt that that’s all you were doing in there, Snively,” he growled, as he inserted a video into the computer and accessed it. Much to Snively’s horror, the monitors clearly revealed his secret little rendezvous in the bathroom stall.

“What is the meaning of this, Snively?” Robotnik growled. “Explain yourself.”

“W-w-w-w, s-s-sir, I- I do have a good explanation for this,” Snively stammered, his knees knocking like mad, sweat dripping off his face. “It- it’s actually quite a long and interesting story, quite involved, really…”

“I’m waiting, Snively,” Robotnik said.

Snively pointed an accusing finger at Packbell. “Sir,” he cried, “the truth is, I was framed! Packbell planted that magazine in the washroom for me to find! He recorded the entire thing, just to get me in trouble! It’s entirely his fault, sir! I never even intended on looking at it! I had no desire to whatsoever, sir, I swear! But I just could not help myself! It was almost as if some hypnotic force was controlling me against my own free will!” He glared at Packbell. “Packbell! How could you?” he cried. “I thought we had a deal! What did I ever do to you?”

Packbell shrugged. “Well,” he said with a smirk, “I just don’t like you.”

Robotnik nodded in approval at his ‘son’. “Excellent work, Commander,” he said. “I’m glad you brought this matter to my attention.”

“Happy to oblige, Doctor,” Packbell said with a smug little grin in Snively’s direction.

Robotnik glared over at his nephew. “As for you, nephew…”

“No, sir, please! You don’t understand!” Snively cried, falling to his knees in despair. “It wasn’t even my magazine, it was Packbell’s! He’s the one who looks at them, not me! I never touch the stuff, I swear! Packbell tricked me! He set me up! I was framed! Framed, I tell you, framed!” he sobbed. “IT’S JUST NOT FAIR, DAMNIT!”

THE END

Poor, poor, Sniv’, huh? Well, they say every dog has it’s day! Maybe Snively will have his day too… MAYBE…

This has been a Shychick Production!