Disclaimer- Do I own any characters related to “Sonic the Hedgehog”? I WISH!!

Author’s Note- I was inspired for this fic by my parents, who are constantly telling me that I’m too chubby, that I eat too much, I need to exercise more, etc… MOM, DAD, THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS!

Down in the Control Room, Robotnik stared at his huge image in a full-length mirror. He had noticed, for the very first time, just how fat he really was. And he was not too pleased with his appearance one bit!

“How could I have been so oblivious to my obese appearance?” Robotnik said, as he stared at the huge Overlander in the mirror. He than glanced over at his nephew/minion, Snively, who was sitting at his console, typing up a status report. “Snively… now, he is what I call thin! Why, he’s practically the epitome of thin! I wonder, how is it that the little wretch manages to stay so blasted slim? What is his secret? Well, I’m going to find out…” He rose his voice. “Snively!”

Snively jumped, startled. “Yes, sir?” he asked meekly.

“Snively, I notice that you are quite thin,” Robotnik began, as if not quite sure how to put his question into words. “Now, I was wondering, just how do you manage such a trim figure?”

Snively looked a little confused. “Well, I don’t really know, sir… that is, to say, I’ve never really taken it into consideration before.”

“You see, Snively, it has come to my attention that I am not as thin as I could be,” Robotnik said.

‘What?! Only now do you notice this?!’ Snively thought to himself. ‘Have you never looked into a mirror before?’

“What I am trying to say, dear nephew, is that if you were to… how should I put this… show me how I could develop a thin appearance like that of yours, it would please me greatly,” Robotnik said.

‘What?’ Snively was shocked. ‘The Big Round Guy is actually asking for my help?! Well, this is certainly an intriguing concept… yeeeesss…’ Trying to hide a smirk, he turned to face his uncle. “Well, sir,” he began, “I suppose I could give you a few pointers on how to, er, lose weight… however, I must warn you of the challenge that lies ahead, if you are truly serious about this, sir. What you propose to accomplish is no easy task. It cannot be done overnight. You must endure discipline! You must endure intense physical training and exercise! If you wish to achieve your goal, you must listen to me and follow every one of my instructions, not as your minion, but as your coach and personal trainer!”

“Are these the conditions of your helping me, Snively?” Robotnik asked.

Snively nodded. ‘Old Lord of Lard doesn’t have any idea as to what he’s in for’ he thought to himself evilly. ‘Now, it’s my turn to be the one in total control…’

“Do you agree to my terms than, sir?”

“Yes, anything, anything!” Robotnik said impatiently. “I am desperate, Snively!”

‘Excellent’ thought Snively to himself. He thrust a finger into the air. “Than let the training commence!” he announced.

Day 1...

Snively and Robotnik stood out on the wide training field that Snively had prepared. Snively was wearing a coach’s uniform, complete with hat, and around his neck he wore a whistle and a stop-watch. “All right, training session #1 will now begin!” he said. “I want you to run around this entire field, and back, in a period of one minute! I will be timing you, of course. Are there any questions?”

“Yes, just one- how on Mobius do you expect me to accomplish that in a mere minute?!” Robotnik demanded in outrage.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Snively said, shaking his finger, “don’t question your coach now. And just for doing so, I will be reducing your time to fifty seconds. From now on, every time you complain or question my authority, I will be reducing your length of time.” He smirked. “I think you’ll find that I am tough, but fair. Now than…” he said, setting his stop-watch, “on your mark… get set… GO!”

Robotnik took off running. He was no more than five seconds into his lap when he already started huffing and puffing like a person with a terrible case of asthma. He started to slow down somewhat.

“No slowing down!” Snively screamed at him from the starting point. “Come on, man! What’s the matter with you? My ninety-year-old grandmother could run rings around you! Lift those knees! Feel the burn! You aren’t going to get into shape if you just stand there, now are you?” He cackled evilly.

“That little wretch!” wheezed Robotnik as he huffed and puffed down the field. “Who does he think he is?”

“Faster, man, faster!” Snively yelled. “Let’s pick up the pace now! Surely you can go faster than that! I want to see that blubber jiggle like Jello!”

“Ohhh, just you wait until this is all over, Snively,” Robotnik panted, as he struggled to keep on running. “Just you wait…”

Snively blew his whistle. “TIME’S UP!” he announced. He watched and waited as Robotnik finally came crawling back to the starting post, gasping for breath. He couldn’t help but smirking at this sight.

“How… did… I… do?” Robotnik gasped, before collapsing.

Snively checked his stop-watch. “Well, well, well,” he said shaking his head, “I must say, I am most disappointed, Jullian. You couldn’t even make it within half the time limit! I’m sorry, but you leave me no alternative other than to make you run the entire course over again… and again… and again, until you finally reach the record! Oh, well… you know what they say, Jullian…practice makes perfect! After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day, now was it?“ He snickered.

Robotnik fainted.

Day 2...

“All right, Jullian, today I want you to run an obstacle course,” Snively was saying the next day, as they stood back out on the training field. “But I must caution you- it is by no means an easy course! Along the way are several obstacles which you must overcome. There is also a great deal of running, jumping, and climbing involved, as well!” He adjusted his stop-watch. “You have exactly three minutes, and they start now! GO!”

Deciding that strangling his little nephew would simply be wasting precious time, Robotnik just groaned and took off running. He found out that Snively hadn’t been lying one bit- the course was terribly difficult. It was like being in a boot camp! Along the way, he slipped and stumbled and fell down a great deal, much to Snively’s amusement.

“Come on, you bloated sack of protoplasm!” he yelled over to Robotnik from his ‘coach’s chair’ with a megaphone. “Is that really the best you can do? Don’t try that old “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up” cliché on me! Get up off that overgrown excuse for a backside!” He smirked. Yes, he was really enjoying this. “You’re only wasting valuable time, you know,” he sang out. “Now, come on! I want to see you dance up that hill like Fred Astaire!”

“I’ll kill him,” gasped Robotnik, as he struggled to keep on going. “So help me, I’ll…”

When he finally reached the finishing point, he was a dirty, muddy, sweaty mess. Snively couldn’t help but laugh out loud as his uncle collapsed at his feet.

He checked his stop-watch. “Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he said shaking his head. “Really now, what are we going to do with you? You took far over three minutes, now didn’t you?” He snickered. “Well, no matter. Because you know what this means… time to start all over again!”

“Can’t I at least take a break first?” Robotnik cried out. “I am so terribly thirsty!”

“Oh, very well,” Snively said. “I suppose that can be arranged. Take ten!”

Robotnik looked up. “Ten minutes? Oh, thank you!”

Snively shook his head with a knowing grin. “No- TEN SECONDS!” He burst out into maniacal laughter. “I suggest you use them wisely, Jullian…”

Day 3...

“All right, Jullian,” Snively was saying, as they stood in front of the pool. “Since you have been working so hard these past couple of days, I will be so kind as to allow you to take a nice, refreshing dip in the pool.”

Robotnik looked overjoyed. “Do you mean it, Snively?” he cried.

“Oh, but of course, dear uncle,” Snively said. “By all means, hop in!”

Robotnik leaped into the pool happily. The cool water felt absolutely wonderful.

“However,” Snively said with an evil grin, “I do expect you to give me several laps around the entire pool, of course. You have a total of two minutes!”

“WHAT?!” Robotnik cried in outrage. “You can’t be serious, Snively!”

“That’s “Coach Snively” to you,” Snively replied. “And just for complaining, I’m reducing your time to one minute! Remember, I’m your coach, and everything I say and do is for your own good! Now, let’s see less bellyaching and more swimming!”

Robotnik screamed in outrage and furiously started to swim, desperately trying to stay afloat because of all his weight. “That little mutant… ohhh, he is as good as dead!”

Meanwhile, Snively sat up in the life-guard’s chair, surveying his uncle through a pair of binoculars. He looked quite comfortable, as he wore a pair of sunglasses and sipped on a coconut drink. “Faster, man, faster!” he screamed down to him through a megaphone. “Fear not, Jullian- as long as you keep on swimming, there will be a less chance of you sinking to the bottom of the pool!” He snickered and took a long sip of his drink.

Several hours later…

“All right, Jullian, I believe we’ll call it a day,” Snively said to Robotnik. “Hit the showers… but not before giving me one final lap around the entire pool!!” Snively roared with maniacal laughter as he became surrounded in hell-like flames.

Day 4...

Today, Snively was forcing Robotnik to do a full day of good old-fashioned work-outs. These included push-ups, sit-ups, jumping-jacks, toe-touches, and other such hellish exercises. Snively was now wearing a drill-sergeant’s uniform, and was barking out orders to his uncle. “Drop down and give me twenty, you bottom-dwelling scum-sucker! (A/N: Remember when he called him that in the episode, “No Brainer”?) “You call that touching your toes? You’re pathetic! No water break until you give me a decent sit-up!”

“Sir, yes, sir!” cried poor Robotnik.

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

“SIR, YES, SIR!”

That was followed by a round of equally hellish Jazzercise, followed by an excruciating round of Taebo, and worst of all- working out to the annoying and evil Richard Simmon’s exercise-program video. “Oh, yeah! I’m a pony! Like a pony! Don’t you just feel like a pony when you sweat?!” cried the King of Faggots from the screen. “Come on, girls! Shake it, honey, shake it!”

Meanwhile, Snively would either be relaxing back in a lawn chair in shorts and a pair of shades, while sipping one of those drinks with the tiny umbrella in them, or he’d be receiving a nice back-massage from a SWATBot.

There had been a time when Snively had actually caught Robotnik sneaking a bag of potato chips! “Cheating on your diet, are we, Jullian?” he snapped, his arms folded impatiently, tapping his foot. “WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?!” he screamed into his uncle’s fat face.

“Fffrrrhmph!!” cried the startled Robotnik, who’s mouth was jammed with greasy chips.

His punishment for that had been a following of everything that you have read in this story up to now!

Weeks later…

One morning, Robotnik woke up and decided it was time to weigh himself. It had been six whole weeks of non-stop hell, and so he figured that it had to have started paying off by now. It just had to of! Robotnik stepped onto the scale… and… much to his horror… it read…

400 POUNDS!!

Robotnik was outraged beyond all reason. That was exactly what he weighed before he started dieting! He hadn’t lost a single pound! After all that hell… after all that pain…

“OHHH, A CERTAIN “COACH” IS GOING TO PAY DEARLY FOR THIS!!” Robotnik screamed angrily, smashing the scale.

Meanwhile, Snively was down in the Control Room, sitting back in his uncle’s huge, comfortable chair, eating a mountain-stack of pancakes smothered in dripping butter and maple syrup. “Hmmm, I wonder how I should torture the Big Round Guy today?” he wondered aloud with a smirk.

Just than, Robotnik came crashing through the wall of the Control Room. “SNIVELY!!”

Snively jumped in fright, nearly choking on his breakfast. “Ah… g-good morning, sir,” he squeaked. “I, er, trust that you’re ready for another day of rigorous training…”

“You little wretch!!” howled Robotnik. “It’s been six whole weeks of this horrendous training, and I have not lost a single pound! NOT ONE!” He stood there angrily hyperventilating. “For your sake, you had better have a good explanation, dear nephew,” he growled. “I’m waiting…”

Snively started to shake and sweat nervously. “Uh, w-well, sir,” he stuttered, “p-perhaps you simply have been cursed with an unusually slow metabolism… b-but if you continue to exercise and diet each day, I p-promise that you will see the results eventually! A-after all, sir, I n-never said that it would be easy, if you recall…”

Robotnik let out a roar of rage and charged towards his nephew, who shrieked in terror and ran for his life. “Your Grace! Your Eminence!” he cried, as Robotnik chased him all throughout the Death Egg. “No, please, wait, sir! P-perhaps there was merely a glitch in your scale, sir! You have lost weight, honest! Y-you never looked better, sir!”

But Robotnik wasn’t buying it for a second. He growled angrily and continued to chase Snively, picking up speed, thus causing Snively to run even faster.

“S-sir! Remember your high blood pressure!” Snively cried. “SIRRRR!!”

THE END

Well, that’s one way to motivate Robotnik to lose weight, huh? (Lol!) I hope you all enjoyed that! I’ll have another great fic up for you next time, guys! Keep watching for ‘em! See ya!

This has been a Shychick Production!