Disclaimer- I dun own nuttin’. You got nuttin’ on me, see?

It was early in the afternoon, and Snively was out patrolling the city. He didn’t know it yet, but today was actually going to be a very strange day for him. A very strange day indeed. Something would happen, which in turn would render an even stranger thing to happen.

Anyway, Snively was just walking along, minding his own business, when he came across a cave. (He had ventured into the deeper parts of Robotropolis.) And according to his Organic Life-form detector which he carried with him, there appeared to be some sort of organic lifeform within the cave. Snively knew that Robotnik would want them captured, especially if they happened to be Freedom Fighters, so he ventured into the strange cave.

Now this cave was one that he had never seen before. He was actually reluctant about entering it at all, for it not only looked terribly dark and spooky inside, but it was shaped like a skull! “This cave seems so familiar to me somehow...” Snively was saying. Then it hit him. “Of course! Skull Rock! I’ve heard about this strange old place many times in the past from Robotnik. According to legend, Skull Rock is supposed to be haunted...” He gulped. “But I’m sure that’s nothing more than a load of superstitious bunk. There’s probably nothing more in there but insects, bats, and rats... which I can’t stand, but I suppose they’re better then ghosts. But still, there’s some sort of organic life-form within that cave, and so I had better look into it.” A thought suddenly occured to him. “Hmmm... chances are, that meddling Hedgehog and his meddling group of friends have also heard about Skull Rock, and seeing it as another glorious little adventure, have decided to come and explore for themselves.” He grinned. “Well, look out, Freedom Fighters, for here comes Snively the Great!” He walked into the cave. Snively was quite afraid of the dark, as well as the creepy creature that dwelled in the dark, but it was worth the risk if Sonic and/or the Freedom Fighters were inside.

A few seconds later, Snively came running out of the cave, screaming in terror. For immerging from the cave were a trio of vicious, nasty, mean, hungry-looking hyenas! They were all clad in motorcycle-gang outfits. “Well, well, well, Spike, what have we got here?” one of them asked, as they approached the terrified little man, who was backed up against a tree, shaking and sweating with fear.

“Hmmm, I dunno, Fang,” the other one replied, evilly grinning. He turned to the third hyena. “What do you think, Claw?”

Claw just chuckled nastily, and hungrily licked his lips.

“Yeah, just what I was thinking- a tasty little trespasser!” Spike said, glaring down at Snively.

Snively gulped. “And quite by accident, let me assure you!” he stammered. “A simple navigational error!” He turned to scurry away, but Fang grabbed him back by the shirt. “Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait,” he said in a suspiciously-knowing tone. “I know you- you’re Robotnik’s little stooge...”

Snively, although frightened for his life, tried to appear as brave as he could. “I, my good man- er, hyena- am Dr. Robotnik’s nephew and assistant,” he said in an offended tone, proudly placing his hands behind his back. “I’ll have you know I was appointed by Robotnik himself to be Second-in-Command of Robotropolis! Why, I practically run this city myself, you know!”

Spike looked bored. “So that would make you...”

“Snively the Great! Future ruler of Robotropolis, and all of Mobius! And don’t you forget it, fool!” Snively snapped, even though he knew he was treading on thin ice. But maybe if he tried showing these bullies that he wasn’t afraid of them, they would leave him alone...

Fang grinned menacingly, rubbing his paws together. “Well, O Great One,” he growled, “do you know what we do to punks like you who step onto our turf?”

Snively gulped. “Oh,” he squeaked, “is this your territory? Why, I-I-I actually had no idea! I am so sorry!” He glanced at his watch. “Oh my, look at the time! I must be off now!”

Fang grabbed him. “What’s the hurry? We’d love you to stick around for dinner!”

“Yeah,” Spike grinned. “We couldn’t even have our meal without you! You’re the guest of honor!” He turned to Claw. “Claw, get our little friend here ready for dinner. Give him the “guest of honor” treatment!”

Snively gulped.

The next thing Snively knew, he was tied up, mouth sealed with duct-tape, and was being dangled by a rope above a boiling pot.

Fang was slicing carrots and other vegetables into the pot, and was adding some spices and stuff, while Claw was busy mixing all the ingrediants together.

“Hey, it says here in this cookbook we gotta let the victim have his final words or prayers,” Spike spoke up.

Fang groaned. “Aw, man, I don’t wanna hafta hear that guy’s whiny, nasal voice again!”

Spike shrugged. “That’s what the book says, man.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” Fang shrugged. “Just as long as he makes it quick!” He ripped the tape off Snively’s mouth.

“Ow!” moaned Snively, wincing in pain.

Fang glared at Snively. “Okay, buddy, you got sometin’ to say, ya better hurry up and say it! ‘Cause we ain’t gettin’ any less hungry!”

“Please, kind sirs, don’t cook me!” Snively begged. “I implore you, have mercy on me! Spare me! You really don’t want to eat me, do you? Look at me- I’m nothing but skin and bones! Why, I’m a measly little shrimp! I assure you, I’d barely be a mouthful. I certainly wouldn’t be enough to satisfy your appitites, that’s for sure...”

“Hmmm... the little guy’s got a point there. He wouldn’t make much of a meal, not even when he was skinned and boned,” Spike said.

“Yeah, he sure wouldn’t be enough for all three of us,” Claw added.

Fang rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. You’re not gonna fall for that old bit, are you? That’s the oldest excuse in the book!” He began to lower Snively, head-first, into the boiling pot...

“Wait!!” screamed Snively. “If you’ll just hold off for a moment, I can tell you of a real feast!”

The hyenas paused, hungrily considering this. “All right, buddy,” Fang growled. “Make it quick.”

“My friends, I know of somebody who would make you the most tender, juiciest, filling, mouth-watering meal you’ve ever tasted. Why, he’s the fattest living creature on Mobius! He’s got so much meat on his bones that he would surely last you all for several days! I guarantee that you will not go hungry for at least a whole week! I give you my word that I can have him captured for you in a mere twenty-four hours!” Snively said.

The hyenas were eagerly salivating at the mouth. Just then, Fang suddenly narrowed his eyes. “Wait a minute... how do we know this ain’t a trick?” he asked suspiciously.

“Why, I wouldn’t dream of even attempting to fool such intelligent creatures!” Snively said in an innocent voice. “But I’ll tell you what- if this does turn out to be a trick, then you may carry out your original plan of eating me!” he added confidently.

The three hyenas all got into a little huddle to discuss the matter amongst themselves. After a few minutes, they turned to Snively and said, “Okay, pal, we’ll take you up on your offer. You capture this guy for us in twenty-four hours, and we won’t eat you. But if we don’t see or hear from you after that, we’re going to assume it was a trick all along, hunt you down, and have you for dinner. And don’t think that you can hide from us either, because we hyenas have awesome noses and we can track you down, no matter where you go!”

Snively gulped. “Fear not. I’ll have your dinner delivered to you in twenty-four hours or less, or it’s on me!” he laughed nervously, realizing that he sounded like one of those take-out commercials on TV. “Um, now if you’ll be so kind as to cut me down first...”

Claw untied him. Snively sighed in relief and quickly started off for Robotropolis. “Leave everything to me, friends!” he called back over his shoulder. Is the Big Round Guy in for quite a surprise... he thought to himself wickedly. I never thought that his fat arse would actually someday be a great benefit for me! And once he’s finally out of my life, my first act as new ruler will be to capture and roboticize those miserable, flea-ridden scavengers... nobody tries to cook Snively the Great and gets away with it!

The only problem was, he had no idea how he was going to capture Robotnik. He recalled that time when that French Freedom Fighter coyote tried to capture Robotnik to bring him back to Knothole so that the Princess could put him on trial and arrest him for his crimes... at least as far as he remembered. The little fool. Needless to say, the coyote had failed in capturing Robotnik. Robotnik may lack common sense at times, but he certainly wasn’t stupid; on the contray, he could be very crafty and tricky. Though Snively figured that, being his own nephew and “loyal” lackey, he wouldn’t suspect a thing...

Snively burst into the Control Room, pretending to be out of breath. “Sir, sir!” he cried in an excited, breathless voice. “You’ll never believe what I’ve discovered!”

Robotnik turned his chair around so that it was facing his nephew. “This had better be very good, Snively, for your sake! You interrupted my latest dream- I was just about to roboticize that miserable Hedgehog!” He glared impatiently. “Well, spit it out then!”

Snively fought a sudden urge to hock a huge gob of saliva right in between his uncle’s eyes, but decided against it. “Sir,” he lied, “I’ve discovered the location of the secret entrance to Knothole!”

Robotnik’s eyes glowed red with interest. “You’re sure, Snively? This isn’t like that time we were going around in circles in the Great Swamp, is it?”

“Oh no, sir!” Snively cried. “This time, I have actual proof! I spotted a Freedom Fighter in the city during my afternoon shift, and secretly followed him. I actually heard him say, er-” Snively racked his brain for those words he heard Sonic say once or twice in the past. “He said, er, ‘Home-sweet-Knothole’, sir, and then he used the entrance. I heard and saw everything with my own ears and eyes, sir!”

“Tell me, what and where is the secret entrance to Knothole?” Robotnik asked. “What is this secret entrance that was so terribly difficult to discover all these times, Snively?”

Snively gulped. He hadn’t thought that far ahead! “Um, well, sir,” he began, “you’ll see once we arrive there. I had actually intended on it to be a surprise.”

Robotnik grunted. “Oh, very well,” he said impatiently. “Now then, prepare my hovercraft at once! We haven’t a moment to spare!”

“Please, sir, I would much rather walk there,” Snively quickly said. “The excercise will do us good, after all.” He quickly added, “I understand that you want to get there as fast as possible, sir, and that walking would take longer, but it’s really not that far at all! Besides,” he added, “the longer it takes to arrive at Knothole, the more of a thrill it will be once we actually get there! And... it’ll give you more time to tell me of all your ingenious, creative plans for the village and it’s wretched inhabitants! I do love to hear you go on about your evil schemes, sir!” he lied, fighting an urge to make a face.

“Hmmm... very well, Snively,” Robotnik replied. “Lead the way, nephew.”

Bingo, bingo, BINGO! Snively thought to himself. YE-E-S!

Snively and Robotnik were walking near the area where Skull Rock was located.

“How much farther, you little mutant?” Robotnik snapped. “My feet are growing weary...”

My, my, aren’t we impatient? “Oh, just a little farther, sir,” Snively said confidently, with a grin.

“Those were your exact words that time you were leading me around the Great Swamp, if case you don’t recall!” Robotnik said impatiently.

Just then, Snively suddenly reached this backpack of war supplies that he was wearing, and pulled out a Stun Ray. He aimed it directly at Robotnik. “Well, well, well, this is quite an interesting situation, wouldn’t you say, Julian?” he smirked.

“Snively! What do you think you’re-” Robotnik began, before Snively zapped him with the ray, sending him into unconsciousness.

Snively pulled out one of those little triangular-shaped chimes from out of nowhere. “COME AND GET IT!!” he screamed, sounding the chime for dinner.

The three hyenas came riding up on their motorbikes. They found Robotnik hog-tied on a huge silver platter, with an apple stuffed in his mouth. Festively decorated all around the platter were slices of pineapple.

Suddenly a chorus of short Hawaiian drum-beats sounded. Two large palm-tree leaves, which seemed to appear from out of nowhere, suddenly parted, only to reveal Snively standing behind them- clad in a Hawaiian grass-skirt, along with one of those decorative hula-sashes around his neck. “Luau!” he screamed, ukulele in hand. He then burst into song and hula-dance, as he began playing his ukulele.

“If you’re hungry for a hunka fat and juicy meat,

Eat my uncle, Robotnik, here because he is a treat!

Come-a down and dine on this bag of slime,

All ya hafta do is get in line!

Waaant some good eatin’?”

SWATBots: “Yup-yup-yup!”

“Then eeeeat this cretin!”

SWATBots: “Yup-yup-yup!”

“Heee’s a big, round guy!

Soon you’ll be big, round guys too... ooo-ey’!”

Suddenly ending his little number, Snively grinned and said, “Nothing like a little dinner-theater entertainment to make the appetite grow fonder, don’t you agree?” He bowed. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen; you’ve been a wonderful audience, and I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress!” A long cane suddenly appeared out from behind the bush he was standing besides, and yanked him away into it. “Hmph! Everybody’s a critic,” they could hear him mutter from within the bushes.

The hyenas all blinked. Then, remembering their meal, they all turned and advanced on Robotnik, who was now awake and shaking for his life by this point...

Ten minutes later, the smell of cooking-smoke had reached Snively, who was safely up in a tree in the distance with a pair of binoculars, observing the hyneas cook their feast. “Roasty-toasty Robotnik, roasty-toasty Robotnik,” he chanted, cackling and snorting madly as he watched with glee, now wearing the same black uniform and cape he wore at the very end of the SatAM episode, “The Doomsday Project.” He stood up on the branch he was sitting on, and did a little touch-down dance. Then, for no reason at all, and just because the author is extremely hyper right now, he grabbed hold of a vine and started swinging from tree to tree, like a monkey. “YE-E-S! BURN, BABY, BURN!” the new ruler of Robotropolis screamed happily. Laughing his high-pitched laugh, like a hyena on crack, he swung off into the sunset, singing “Oh, I just can’t Wait to be King.”

THE END!

As you can probably tell, I had The Lion King on my mind right before I wrote this. Aren’t I insane? Climbs up a tree, grabs hold of a vine, and swings off into the Great Jungle after Snivvy

This has been a Shychick Production!