Disclaimer- I own nothing here. Dic Entertainment owns mostly everything in this fic, except for McDonald’s and Ronald McDonald.

Author’s Note- I’ve been off of for a while now, because of their software crash, but I’m back now... if anyone even remembers me, that is.

It was a Monday afternoon, and Snively was on his afternoon shift of patrolling the city streets of Robotropolis. He had been patrolling the city all morning, and so was feeling very hungry. He had missed breakfast this morning because Robotnik had wanted him to get an early start on his shift. The little man’s deprived stomach growled painfully. He was so hungry that his stomach felt completely hollow on the inside and he was feeling overall faint and weak from lack of food.

“I’m famished!” Snively said to himself, rubbing his empty stomach. “If I don’t get something to eat soon, I’ll surely faint!” He muttered under his breath bitterly, “No thanks to the Big Round Guy. The oversized whale could have at least let me grab a quick cup of coffee before I started my morning shift, but noo-o-o-o!”

Suddenly, Snively just collapsed right than and there. When he finally came to, which must of been around ten minutes later, the first thing that his eyes came into contact with was a giant golden ‘M’, which stretched upwards towards the heavens, casting a large shadow over the little man. “Mc-Donald’s...” Snively slowly read as his vision started to become clear again. Underneath the huge golden arch, it read, “GRAND OPENING TODAY!”

“Hmm...” Snively mused, “I’ve heard about this place. I believe it was a very popular fast-food establishment down on planet Earth. Imagine having one right here in Robotropolis! I’ll never go hungry again!” He frowned. “I wonder why Robotnik never told me that he was having a McDonald’s restaurant built... hmph! Old lord of lard more than likely had intended on hogging the place all for himself! Well, we’ll just see about that!” He stood up and entered the restaurant, feeling more hungry than ever. The first thing that greeted him when he first went in was the lovely scent of fries and burgers. His mouth watered madly as he took in all the different choices on the menu above the counter. “Ah... what a mouth-watering variety,” Snively murmered to himself, as he hungrily licked his lips.

“Welcome to McDonald’s, sir, may I take your order?” the teenager behind the counter started to ask, but than he realized that Snively was an Overlander. “Hey, wait a minute... aren’t you that nephew of Dr. Robotnik’s?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Indeed I am!” replied Snively in a haughty manner. “Snively the Great, second-in-command of Robotropolis standing before you! And don’t you dare forget it... Jason!” he added, upon noticing the kid’s name-tag on the shirt of his uniform. He smirked. “Or should I say, “Pizza Complexion”?”

The teenager blushed. “Well, you know, it’s real greasy back there in the kitchen, so that don’t help any...”

“I didn’t come here to listen to some pimpley-faced teenager pour out his hygienical problems onto me, nor do I care!” Snively snapped impatiently. “I came here to satisfy my hunger! Now than,” he said, glancing up at the menu, “what do you serve here? Hmm... I believe I’ll have the Big Mac Extra-Value Meal with a Coke.”

“Would you like that super-sized, sir?” the teenager asked, feeling very much insulted by Snively’s remark in regards to his complexion.

“Make it so,” Snively replied arrogantly, casually glancing at his nails.

“To stay or to go?”

“Why, to go, of course!” Snively snapped impatiently. “After all, I do have a schedule to keep, you simple-minded fool! Oh, and be sure to hold the pickles! I don’t care for pickles.”

“Okay, sir, that’ll be 4.99,” the teenager said with an edge in his voice.

Snively shook his head. “Not until I’m sure that I am receiving the very best in quality. I’ll determine that for myself after I finish my meal!”

“Sir, I’m afraid you’ll have to pay first,” the teenager insisted, getting more annoyed by Snively’s attitude by the minute. “Standard procedure, you understand...”

“How dare you speak to me in such a manner!” Snively yelled. “I, for one, do NOT take kindly to having some snot-nosed punk telling me how to do business! The customer is always right! And I am not just any customer either... I am SNIVELY THE GREAT! Now go prepare my meal at once, before I sentence you to instant robotization!”

Rolling his eyes, the teenager went into the kitchen to give out the order to the staff. “Oh yeah, and make sure you put extra pickles on this guy’s Big Mac too!” he added with a smirk. That oughta fix him, he thought to himself.

The teenager returned from the kitchen, handing Snively a sack with his order in it. “Well, I hope this meets your satisfaction, sir,” he said, holding back a laugh.

“Well, it most certainly had better meet my satisfaction,” Snively replied arrogantly with his long nose in the air. “Or you won’t be receiving a single red cent from me!” With that, he grabbed the sack and marched out of the restaurant.

Once Snively was outside, he reached into the bag and took out his Big Mac. “Yessss... lunch is now served,” he murmered hungrily as he unwrapped his burger and took a bite. But than he suddenly spat it out in disgust as his tastebuds immediately recognized a certain sour, yet familiar flavor. He removed the top bun, only to discover that it was loaded with pickles. “Grrr... that incompetent dolt!” Snively growled. He angrily headed back towards McDonald’s, thrust open the doors, and stormed up to the counter. “I specifically requested NO PICKLES on my burger, you idiot!” Snively yelled to Jason. “Honestly, what are they paying you people for here? Did you really think you were going to get away with it?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir, I must’ve misheard you,” Jason said innocently. “I thought you said you wanted extra pickles on your Big Mac! Well, I’d be happy to make you a whole new burger, if you want. That’s our policy, you know...”

“See that you do!” Snively snapped. “And while you’re at it, why don’t you clean the wax from your ears, as well?”

Jason went back into the kitchen and told them to cook up a new burger. “Oh yeah, and make sure you cook it really, really, really well-done this time,” he said with a snicker. Revenge was so sweet! He couldn’t wait until he saw the look on the little Overlander’s face when he found out that his burger was burnt to a crisp.

“You back there! Where’s my Big Mac?” demanded Snively’s impatient voice from out front. “What on Mobius is taking so blasted long?”

Jason returned from the back, with a fresh Big Mac. “There you go, sir. Sorry for the wait,” he said. “Well, enjoy your meal, and we hope to see you again!” he waved as Snively headed for the door with his new burger.

“Not with the lousy service in this place, I won’t,” Snively muttered. He went outside and unwrapped his burger and bit into it. “No pickles- now that’s more like it... ARRGHH!” Snively suddenly cried in disgust as he realized that his burger tasted like charcoal. He looked inside it and found that, sure enough, it was completely burnt. Yelling in frustration, he stomped back inside the restaurant. “What the heck is the matter with you?” he yelled to Jason. “What is the meaning of this?! Burning my burger to a bloody crisp?!”

“You didn’t ask for it to be well-done, sir?” Jason asked.

“NO, I DID NOT, YOU FOOL!” Snively shouted angrily. “And besides, this isn’t well-done, this is completely burnt!”

Jason tried to hold back his smirk. “Sir, if you could please just calm down, I’d be more than happy to make you a fresh Big Mac.”

“Don’t you tell ME to calm down, you rotten punk!” Snively snapped. “I, for one, don’t care for your insolent tone! Do you know who are dealing with here?” He exhaled impatiently. “Honestly, the service in this place leaves something to be desired!”

Jason returned to the kitchen and had a new burger cooked up. Than, after a quick glance around to make sure that nobody was watching, he opened up the bun and hocked a huge, slimy, yellow-green gob out onto the patty.

He came back out and delivered the burger to Snively. “There you are, sir. Enjoy!”

Seconds later...

“WHAT IS THE BLOODY MEANING OF THIS?! IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?!” a very disgusted Snively shouted as he stormed back into the restaurant. He glared at Jason. “Is this your idea of a practical joke?” he demanded, showing him the interior of the bun. “You rotten teenage punks all think you’re pretty clever, always getting away with stunts like this, don’t you? Well, DO YOU SEE ME LAUGHING?! HUH?! I ought to report you to the manager for this!”

Jason held up his hands in protest. “Hey, now, you’ve got it all wrong! That’s just our new Special Sauce! I’m sorry it didn’t meet your approval.”

“New Special Sauce, my foot!” Snively shouted. “That does it! You’ve taken advantage of my patient nature for far too long! Loading my burger down with pickles, burning my burger, and now this!” He shook his head. “Ohhh, no, my friend, I’m afraid you’ve just gone too far this time! And so... I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO PAY FOR MY SO-CALLED MEAL! Now where’s the manager? I wish to speak with him at once!”

“Of course, sir, I’ll get him for you right away,” Jason said with a knowing smirk. He yelled to the back, “Hey, boss! This guy out here refuses to pay for his order!”

The manager, who just happened to be Ronald McDonald himself, came out from the back. “What’s the problem here?” Just than, he noticed the short Overlander standing there. “Hey there, little boy!” he said in a cheerful voice, mistaking him for a kid. “Why the long face, kiddo? There’s no room for sad faces here at McDonald’s! Let’s turn that frown upside down!” With that, the stupid, gay clown broke out into song. “Put a smile on, put a smile on, everybody come on, put a smile on!” he sang.

Just than, a whole group of little kids danced up from out of nowhere and joined in the singing. They grabbed Snively by the hands and forced him to dance around in a merry circle, hand-in-hand, along with the faggoty clown.

“Now see here!” Snively yelled in protest over the singing. “I am no child! I happen to be 30 years old, for your information! Enough of this ridiculous song-and-dance! I have a complaint to issue!”

Jason reached over and tapped Ronald on the shoulder. “Sorry for interrupting your traditional merry-making ritual, boss, but that’s the guy who refuses to pay for his food.”

Immediately, the singing and dancing came to a sudden halt. The clown glared down upon Snively, no longer wearing his usual happy-as-shit expression, but now wearing a hideously-evil, frightening look on his face, just like IT. “So! We have a freeloader in our presence, do we?” he growled in a demonic voice, baring sharp, pointy fangs and salivating at the mouth. “You dare enter my lair and make a complete and utter mockery out of my fine establishment, foolish Overlander? I’ll show you just what we do here with those who believe that there truely is such a thing as a free lunch!” The evil clown roared with pychopathic laughter, sending chills down the little man’s spine. He cowered down on the floor, trembling with fear, like he had done with his uncle so many times before.

The evil, faggoty mob closed in on him...

“Hello, welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” Snively sighed. He was standing in the drive-through window wearing a McDonald’s uniform, along with that head-piece for taking customer’s orders. This was his punishment for not paying for his meal.

“Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder Extra-Value Meal with a Coke,” said a familiar-sounding voice through the speaker.

“Um... T-that’ll b-b-be 3.99, please p-pull up to the s-service w-w-window,” Snively nervously stuttered into the head-phones, as he immediately recognized the voice. Sweat was pouring down his face and he was shaking like mad. He knew that he had to prepare the meal extra-good for THIS particular customer... or else. He quickly carried out the order and placed it all into a paper sack when it was ready. “His Ovalness will have my head if he is displeased with his meal,” Snively gasped, panicing. But than, as an afterthought, a grin slowly creeped onto his face. After a quick glance behind him, he took out the Quarter Pounder from the sack, unwrapped it, removed the top bun, and hocked out a huge disgusting gob onto the patty. Than he re-wrapped the burger, placed it back into the bag, and handed it to Robotnik, who had just pulled up in his hovercraft. “There you are, sir,” Snively said, trying out his most winning smile. “I must say, it is a most unexpected pleasure to see you here! And it is such a great honor to serve you, oh Symmetric One!”

Robotnik grabbed the sack. “This had better be the most delicious burger I have ever tasted in my life, Snively, for your sake!” he snapped as he unwrapped his Quarter Pounder.

“Oh, I think you’ll enjoy it very much, sir!” Snively said with a grin. After about a second, he a very disgusted Robotnik yell, “SNIVELY!!”

“Why, whatever is the problem, sir? Don’t you like our new kind of Special Sauce?” Snively asked innocently, trying his best not to burst out laughing.

THE END

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