Disclaimer- I don’t own the lyrics or the characters. You got that? Good!

A/N: This is actually something that came to me after listening to “Weird Al” Yankovic’s parody of “Gangster’s Paradise”, “Amish Paradise.” Don’t take it seriously. I just love parodies! And since I got such nice reviews on my last parody song-fic, “Fattest Thing Alive”, I figured, what do I have to lose?

(Opening music starts in. We see a character shrouded in dark shadows. The lights slowly go up, revealing Snively.)

Snively: As I walk down the hall towards the Control Room,

I take a look at my life, and realize it’s full of gloom.

Well, I suppose that’s fitting for a lackey like me,

You know it’s very rare that I’ll ever feel happy.

At 6:30 in the morning I’m guarding surveillance,

Shortly after, I’ll be reporting some usual disturbance, fool!

And I’ve been guarding and reporting so long,

It’s a great wonder that my mind hasn’t gone!

I’m Second-In-Command, I take my job with pride,

Got a big job on my hands and a laser pistol by my side.

But the job’s not all glamour, it’s actually quite a pain,

Because every time I fail, I’m sure to take the blame.

(Chorus) I’ve been spending most my life

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

Each day is filled with strife,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

It’s hard work and sacrifice,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

I patrol the factories once or twice,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week,

I just glared at him, and I turned the other cheek.

I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well,

‘Cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s being roboticized!

But I’ve never punched a Mobian, even if he deserved it,

A lackey with a ‘tude, you know that’s unheard of!

I always wear buttons and in my eye, an evil gleam,

And my fan, Shychick, agrees I really look good in green, fool!

If you ever come to visit, you’ll see me looking bored to tears,

Well, I‘ve been working for my uncle for the past several years!

But I’m not really strange, so please don’t point and stare,

I’m just fortunately-impaired!

There’s no kind of life for this poor chap,

As long as I’m alive!

Like a child afraid of the dark,

All I want to do is hide!

(Chorus) I’ve been spending most my life

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

I’ve suffered many sleepless nights,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

I’ve often longed for my own demise,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

This just can no longer suffice,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

Suffering Robotnik’s wrath,

My legs turning to butter,

Received a beating on Monday,

Soon I’ll receive another!

Think that you’re a coward?

Think you’re weak in heart?

Well, I know I’m a million times

As humble as you are!

I’m the little guy all the Freedom Fighters torment,

On my knees day/night,

Kissing up to the Big Round Guy!

I know I’m small,

I know I’m whiny,

But it’s hard, with the Hedghog always there to kick my hiny!

(Chrous) I’ve been spending most my life

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

I’ve developed a habit of cowering like mice,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

I’ve been stripped of all my rights,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

But let me tell you, it sure isn’t nice,

Living in a lackey’s paradise.

(Ooooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh…)

THE END

Well, what did you think? Liked it? Hated it? Until next time, guys!

This has been a Shychick Production!