Disclaimer- I don’t own the rights to frig-all! Get it through your heads! Yeesh!

Author’s Note: This fic is based on one of my favorite episodes of “Ren and Stimpy”, ‘Sven Hoek’.

Enjoy!

Snively sat at his console, staring in annoyance at his uncle’s two idiotic robots, Scratch and Grounder. They were sitting on the floor, having a Staring Contest. They had been sitting there, just staring pointlessly into each other’s eyes with the same stupid expressions on their faces for about ten minutes now. And even though they weren’t saying or doing anything, it was still driving Snively nuts. It was simply that he could never abide stupidity. He was ever so sick of having two put up with their ignorant antics each day. He honestly didn’t know why Robotnik had created them in the first place. They were just as useless as they were stupid.

Finally, after a long period of staring at the two dumb-bots, Snively couldn’t take it anymore. He spoke up in a calm, yet clearly-disgusted voice. “You know,” he said in his most arrogant tone, “this may very well come as a great shock to you two tin-heads… but I’m afraid that you’re both a couple of ignoramuses. I really hate to be the one to break it to you, but it’s simply the sad truth”. He shook his head in disgust. “But even “ignoramus” is a great understatement! I, for one, am surprised that there isn’t a picture of you both in the dictionary under “Stupid”.” He snorted. “I am so sick of your stupidity,” he said, resting his hand on the side of his face. Than he suddenly smiled and took a photo out from his pocket. “Thank goodness my cousin, Maxwell, is coming to visit,” he said, looking at the photo of him and his cousin together as kids. He smiled in fond remembrance. “I remember the days when Maxwell and I were growing up together,” he said. He put the photo back in his pocket. “It will be so nice to have an actual intelligent conversation again.”

Scratch and Grounder were still sitting on the floor, having a Staring Contest. Than, after a few seconds of silence, Grounder suddenly burst out laughing for no reason, shortly followed his Chicken-Bot counterpart. “Hey, you couldn’t keep a straight face! You lose!” Scratch said.

“Hey, no fair!” Grounder cried. “You laughed too! So you lost too! So there!”

“Yeah, well, you laughed before I did!” Scratch pointed out. “So that means I still won, and you lost!”

“So what?”

“Um… sew buttons?” Scratch suggested.

“So, so, suck my toe, all the way to Mexico!” Grounder laughed.

That set the two badniks off into hysterics, much to Snively’s great irritation. That was the last straw. Growling angrily, he came thundering over to them, laser pistol in hand. “That’s it!” he yelled. “I’ve had enough of your tomfoolery!” He aimed his laser pistol at them, when all of a sudden, a SWATBot appeared. “SIR, THERE IS AN OVERLANDER HERE WHO WISHES TO SEE YOU,” it droned to Snively.

Snively forgot all about scrapping Scratch and Grounder for the moment. “Ah, Cousin Maxwell!” he cried happily. “He’s here!” He turned to the SWAT. “Show him in!” he ordered. He turned to Scratch and Grounder. “Now you’re going to meet a specimen of true character!” he said to them proudly. “He is, after all, a Kintobor! He’s got my blood running throughout his veins!”

The SWAT left and returned with Snively’s cousin. “At last!” Snively said happily. “Cousin, come on in!” He nodded at the SWATBot, dismissing it.

The Overlander was about the same size as Snively, and was just as thin too. He was wearing a pair of worn, old blue overalls and he was also barefoot, with long, greasy, messy brown hair. Not only that, but he stood in the doorway with his back turned to Snively, oddly enough. “Jimmy cracked corn and I dun’ care,” he sang, “Jimmy cracked corn and I dun’ care, Jimmy cracked corn and I dun’ care!” His voice had a Hillbilly accent to it.

But Snively was too overjoyed to see his estranged cousin that he didn’t even notice any of this. “Maxwell,” he said happily, “get in here, you old genius, you!” He led him into the Control Room, with his back still turned to him. “I want you to meet Uncle Jullian’s robots, Scratch and Grounder,” he said with an arrogant grin. “Er, they’re actually a pair of complete ignoramuses. The epitome of stupid, really.” He turned to the dumb-bots. “Scratch, Grounder, say hello to a superior creature.”

“Duh, hello, superior creature!” the two ‘bots said in unison.

Snively smiled proudly. “Is that the face of intelligence, or what?” he asked, gesturing towards Maxwell. Than he noticed for the first time that Maxwell was facing the other way! “Turn around, you fool!” he snapped, turning him around so that he could see his face. And he was shocked at what he saw…

Maxwell’s face was not only covered in pimples, but he also had a snotty nose and crooked, yellow teeth. At this moment, Snively also, for the first time, took in the rest of his cousin’s messy appearance. But than, to his absolute shock, he noticed the expression on his face- it was the same all- too-familiar, blissfully-stupid, drooling expression that he saw on Scratch and Grounder’s face everyday! He glanced back and forth between the three, comparing them.

Wide-eyed, Snively shrugged in confusion. “I’ll go get some refreshments,” he said, walking off, dazed. “Guys, assist Maxwell with his luggage.”

“Duhh, okay!” they said in unison.

Scratch, Grounder, and Maxwell happily attacked the huge suitcase, which read “Maxwell” on the little name-tag. They all started rummaging through it together. “Hey, fellers, lookey what I got here,” Maxwell said. He held up a jar. “It’s my jar of spit,” he said proudly. “I done saved it since I was a youngen’!”

“Oooo, ahhhh…” Scratch and Grounder said, in utter amazement.

Maxwell held up another jar. “In this here jar’s my prized collection of “magic nose goblins,” he said proudly. “I picked ‘em myself,” he added with a stupid grin.

Scratch and Grounder nearly jumped out of their metallic shells in excitement. “Cool!” they both cried. “What else do you have, Maxwell?”

“Lookey here,” Maxwell said, holding up another item. “This here’s my ball of used Band-Aids. I done saved every bandage I’ve ever used in my time, I reckon.” He peeled two of them off and handed them to Scratch and Grounder. “Here, you fellers can have this one. It’s from ’62!” He stuck them onto their noses. They fell off their noses and landed on the floor. “Duhh, I’ll get them!” they both cried, making a lunge for the Band-Aids, and banging their heads together in the process. They all burst out laughing like morons at this.

Humming, Snively entered the room with a tray full of drinks. But than he stopped and yelled in horror at what he saw, nearly spilling the drinks. Scratch, Grounder, and Maxwell were all standing there, wearing latex gloves on their heads! “Hey, Sniv! Your cousin is the coolest!” Scratch cried.

“Guess what? We’re Lodge Brothers!” Grounder added. “We both belong to the Loyal Order of Stupids!”

“And now, we gonna show ya our secret handshake, cuz!” Maxwell said. Scratch and Grounder took turns placing their gloves into Maxwell’s mouth. He bit down onto them and when he did, his own glove on the top of his head would inflate.

Snively stared, open-mouthed. He started to bang his head repeatedly against the wall in frustration.

It was later in the day. Snively was staring in utter disgust at his cousin and Scratch and Grounder. For the last half-an-hour, they had been sitting around, laughing their stupid heads off for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And it was really getting on Snively’s nerves. His patience was wearing very thin with their stupidity.

“Now, cut that out!” he finally yelled at them. “I can’t concentrate on typing my report with all that ridiculous laughter!” Realizing that he was going to get no peace here, he decided to go on his break. “I’m leaving for my break now,” he said to them, as he left the Control Room. “So I’ll thank you all not to perform your insufferable antics while I’m gone!” The metal doors slammed shut behind him.

Maxwell, Scratch, and Grounder all screamed at the sheer delight of being free to their own devices. “WOOOWHHEEE!!” they screamed happily.

“What do you fellas wanna do?” Maxwell asked with a snort.

“Let’s play a game!” Grounder suggested.

“Hey, I got me a real fun game we can all play!” Maxwell said. He rushed over to his suitcase and pulled out a board game. They all jumped up and down in excitement when they saw the game. “It’s the funnest game in the whole wide world!” they cried. “Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence!” (A/N: Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence!)

“You set up the board,” Scratch said to Maxwell, “and we’ll go plug in the fence!”

Snively returned to the Control Room. He had just received a severe lecture from his uncle for not returning the reports in on time to him, and so he was NOT in any mood for stupidity at the moment. As he walked into the room, the first thing that met his eyes was the vandalism that covered all the walls. “I knew it!” he growled. “I knew I shouldn’t have left those three alone!” He sighed, trying to calm himself down. “Well, at least I’m finally out of the Big Round Guy’s sight,” he said. “I can follow my intellectual pursuits now…” He went down to his bedroom to retire for the evening… only to find…

“MY COLLECTION OF RARE, UNIVERSAL STAMPS!” he screamed. “VIOLATED! NOOOO!” But than his eyes met another disaster…

“MY RARE MOBIUS ROCK COLLECTION… PAINTED LIKE EASTER EGGS!!” Snively let out a long frustrated scream at this. His eyes than came into contact with something else that set him off…

“MY BOTTLE-CAP COLLECTION!! COVERED IN BUBBLE GUM!! AAAHHHH!!” He thundered angrily towards the three culprits, who were still immersed in their game. He came storming up to them until they were backed up against the wall, cornered. They were really scared. They had never seen Snively look so angry before! Even the few hairs on his head stood on end, like an angry dog’s!

“YOUUUU!” Snively yelled, pointing at each of them in turn. “ALL OF YOUU!!” Suddenly, a calm, eerie smile crossed his lips. “Ohhh, what I’m going to do to you…” he said, grinning evilly. His heart was pounding like a drum, so great was his rage. “I’m so angry…” He struggled to control his great rage. “First,” he said, “I’m going to tear your lips out.” He smiled evilly. “Yes… that’s what I’m going to do!”

“We don’t like this, Snively!” Grounder whimpered, as he and the others all clung onto each other in fear.

“Yeah, cuz!” cried Maxwell in terror, “you makin’ us right scared!”

Snively grinned with sadistic pleasure. It was so good to see somebody else sweat and shake and cower with fear for a change. “Oh, you’re scared, huh?” he asked. “Afraid, are you?” Shaking with rage, he clenched a fist. “Next… I’m going to tear your arms out of the sockets!”

Scratch, Grounder, and Maxwell all moaned in fear at this, while holding their arms protectively.

“And you want to know what else?” Snively asked. “I’m going to HIT you… and you’re going to fallll… and I’m going to look down… and I’m going to laaaugh…” He clenched his other fist. “But first…” he hissed, striking more fear into their hearts, “FIRST… I’ve got to take a whiz!” He turned back to them. “Don’t you go anywhere,” he said with that same eerie grin. “You just stay right here… right on this spot. I’ll be back!”

On his way to the washroom, Snively walked by the “Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence” game. “What’s this ridiculous contraption?” he snapped.

“It’s a game, Snively!” Scratch said.

“Yeah, it’s real fun!” drawled Maxwell.

A grin crossed Snively’s face, as he glanced down at the game. “Oh, you like this game?” he asked, with an evil smile.

“Yeah, we love it!” Scratch said.

“Oh, you like this game, huh?” Snively grinned. He cooed, “Do you really like it?”

“It’s the funnest game in the whole world!” they answered, bouncing up and down.

Snively snickered. “Oh, so you like the game, do you?” he smirked. “Well… how do you like THIS?!” He unzipped his pants…

Scratch, Grounder, and Maxwell all gasped in horror.

Snively stood there, little knowing that he was breaking the #1 rule of the game, as he cackled his high-pitched laugh.

Suddenly, there was a sizzle, and… CABOOM!!

The entire Control Room was now in black, smoky ruins.

Dr. Robotnik just happened to come across the wreckage at this point. He glared down at the black, crispy four, particularly his own guilty nephew. “So,” he growled knowingly, “you whizzed on the Electric Fence, didn’t you?”

THE END

The moral of this tale: (Sings) Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence!

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