Disclaimer- Oy, for crying out glavin... Incoherent nerdy babbles

One fine day, down at the Kintobor Crack House (a.k.a. the Death Egg), the evil Dr. Robotnik was relaxing in his Jacuzzi, clad in a red speedo, when Snively suddenly walked into the room. (He nearly vomited all over the floor, upon bearing witness to his fat, unsightly uncle wearng nothing but a speedo!) “Sir, here are the Slim-Fast shakes you requested,” he squeaked, fearing that he would go blind, as he tried not to look directly at Robotnik.

Robotnik grabbed the can. “Damnit, Snively, this is STRAWBERRY! I specifically ordered CHOCOLATE!! You know that I HATE Strawberry!” He hurled the can at his nephew’s head with such force that it knocked him to the ground.

“But, sir,” Snively whined, slowly rising, “I’m afraid you’re currently fresh out of Chocolate-flavored Slim-Fast shakes. All there is left is Strawberry and Vanilla.”

Robotnik started throwing a giant tantrum. “WHAT?!” he roared. “ARE YOU NOT LOYAL ENOUGH AS TO RUN YOUR SKINNY ASS DOWN TO THE ROBOTROPOLIS DRUGSTORE, AND FETCH ME ANOTHER SUPPLY OF CHOCOLATE SHAKES, SNIVELY?!”

Snively screamed, “Why don’t you get off your bloated arse, and go fetch your own damn shakes, you overgrown septic tank?”

“FINE! I WILL!” Robotnik stood up so fast that he caused a great tidal wave to splash over his nephew. (He also got up so fast that his speedo ripped, much to Snively’s horror!) The naked fat tyrant crashed right through the wall in a rage, leaving behind a Robotnik-shaped hole, screaming like a friggin’ banshee.

Suddenly, he popped his fat head through the hole. “Oh, and by the way, Snively,” he calmly added, “be sure to fix the bubble mechanism on my Jacizzi, this afternoon.”

Snively blinked. “But sir, how were you producing any bubbles in the first pl-” He then slowly nodded and frowned, as it suddenly dawned on him. “Er... never mind, sir.”

Later that afternoon, still at the Kintobor Crack House, Snively- who had discovered his uncle’s secret stash of Captain Morgan’s Rum- was now blaring his Eminem CD at top volume, and wailing like a drunken old lady on Karioke Night, wearing that funny helmet he wore in the episode ‘No Brainer’. “Cause I’m Sniv Shady, yes I’m the real Snivvy, all you other little lackeys are jus’ imitating; so won’t the real Sniv Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up...”

Later still, a drunken Snively had stumbled into the Break Room, laughing and snorting like a hyena on crack. He glanced all around to make sure he was alone, then wobbled over to Uncle’s coffee pot with a bottle of Ex-Lax in liquid form “You know what I like about you, Julian? Because you’re a regular sort of chap...”

Shrieking with psychopathic laughter, he then proceeded to pour the entire contents of the bottle into Uncle’s coffee...

“ARRGGHHH!!” Robotnik raced for the can in a panic, where he remained for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile, Snively was speeding all throughout the city in Uncle’s personal hovercraft, which he had hijacked, roaring with crazed laughter. “Well, that takes care of the Big, Round Guy for the rest of the evening... now I am free to do whatever I please! Perhaps, from now on, that fat asshole will think twice before messing with the likes of... Snively the Great!” he cried, dramatically rolling the ‘r’ off his toungue. (A/N: I love when he did that in ‘No Brainer’!)

He popped in his Eminem CD, popped that weird helmet onto his head, and cruised down the streets

(kind of like Slim Shady did in his music video). “Oh, this looks like a job for me, so everybody else just follow me, ‘cause we need a little Sniv-uh-ly, ‘cause it feels so empty without me!” Snively sang. “Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah... nah-nah-nah-nah-nah... nah-nah-nah-nah...”

Unfortunately, he didn’t look where he was going, and he crashed right into the side of a SWATbot factory.

Snively was limping down the hallway of Robotnik’s headquarters, on the 4th floor, heading for his bedroom. He was extremely wasted and tired, and he had spent a good long time puking his guts out in the streets, after he’d crawled out from under the wreakage. “Oh, how am I ever going to explain this to his Ovalness?” he whimpered, starting to sober up. “Good heavens, what on Mobius was I thinking?”

At that moment, Snively’s Shoulder Angel appeared on his left shoulder. “The fool should’ve listened to me,” he snapped, glaring at the startled lackey, “but nooooo!” The Shoulder Angel then vanished.

“Damnit, I’m tired of constantly being ordered around by everybody- my own conscience, the Great Gizoo, the Big, Round Guy- I’m really getting too old for this tiresome rubbish!” Snively snapped, storming off down the hall.

As he walked past the washroom on that floor, he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks- a most horrible smell had entered his poor nostrils! And it was coming directly from the vent below, which led into the washroom! “EGADS! IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS SACRED AND PURE, THAT IS THE MOST BLOODY-FOUL STENCH EVER! WHAT IN KING ACORN’S NAME CRAWLED UP JULIAN’S ASS AND DIED?!” he gagged and choked, covering his face with a gas-mask to save him from the evil fumes- but then he suddenly recalled what he had done in a drunken stupor that afternoon. “Oh, my...”

Suddenly, a huge liquidy-like fart came from behind the door, followed by a great splash. Then the sound of the toliet flushing could be heard... and the next thing Snively knew, the COM-Link system out in the hall was suddenly activated. “SNIVELY!! WHEREVER YOU ARE, REPORT TO THE WASHROOM ON LEVEL-4 IMMEDIATELY; THE TOILET IS OVERFLOWING AS I SPEAK! HURRY, DAMNIT!!”

“Why me?” Snively sobbed, as he took a deep breath. He knew, from past experience, exactly what was going to happen to him- this wasn’t the only time Robotnik’s toilet had backed up...

Holding his breath- and cursing the day he was born- poor Snively walked into the bathroom, which was so fogged up with smelly brown mists that he could hardly see, and was not very surprised to see that the wallpaper was peeling off.. “You bellowed, my Lord of Logs?” he sighed wearily, grimacing down at the brown water which flowed about his feet.

Robotnik then did what he always did whenever his toilet began to overflow- grabbed Snively up by his ankles, and proceeded to use his long nose as a plunger! “Well, it’s nice to know that ridiculous nose of yours is good for something, Snively!”

“Oh, by the way,” Robotnik added, “once I am finished unclogging the toilet, I want you to give it a thorough cleaning with your toothbrush.”

Snively wept, and ended up getting a mouthful of liquid-crap... as if his nostrils weren’t already filled with the stuff.

At exactly 4-AM the next morning, poor, tired, hung-over Snively- who was sicker than a dog from everything that had happened the night before- was rudely awakened by a team of SWATbot guards outside his bedroom window.

“Oh-we-loath... the-Ooooval-One!” the ‘bots chanted, marching backing and forth... just as they did every morning, before the damn crack of dawn.

Snively threw open his window and angrily screamed down at them, “SHUT THE FCKING HELL UP, YOU FOOLS! IT’S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT!” His head was pounding like a fricking jackhammer. Hyventilating with furry, he slammed the window shut- so hard that the glass broke.

“I can’t take this shit no more!” Snively screeched, snapping altogether.

After trashing the frig out of his entire room in a psychopathic fit- all the while performing a combination of crazy laughter and crying- he then raced over to his window, spread his arms, and flew off into the early morning.

He was last seen flying towards the Great Swamp, laughing and snorting like an ass... until Princess Sally mistook him for either a UFO or a Little Green Man, and contacted NASA- who ended up capturing him , bringing him down to their labs.

Some say he still remains locked up in NASA headquarters for scientifical research, to this very day... others believe that- after they finally determined that he was actually not an alien- he was instantly transferred over to the Mobius Mental Institution, where he was locked up for the rest of his life.

What do you think became of him?

THE END?

I’m Shychick. Thank you for reading. Goodnight- and remember, keep watching the skies...

This has been a DiC Entertainment- er, Archie Comics- er, Unsolved Mysteries- er, X-Files- er, I mean, a Shychick Production!