Disclaimer- I don’t own anything to do with StH, except for the SatAM DVD and issues #21, 29, 47, and 49 of the comic... and I don’t own any of the various other characters that appear in this fic either. SO DON’T SUE!

Snively nervously crossed the metal path-way which led to Robotnik’s green throne in the Control Room. His uncle had summoned him only mere moments ago. Snively had been down in Robotnik’s private bathroom, scrubbing away at the interior of his toilet with his own toothbrush- reluctantly, I might add- when he suddenly received a message from the Lord of Lard himself over the intercom system, requesting his presence immediately. There was something oddly familiar to Robotnik’s tone... calm, yet eerie. And usually whenever Robotnik spoke with his nephew in that eerily-calm voice- which he only reserved for when he was extremely displeased- Snively knew he was in for it. Which was why he was not looking forward to his meeting with Robotnik one bit. He approached his uncle like a condemned man would approach the guillotine.

Robotnik’s chair was turned so that his back was to him. And he was also drumming his fingers against the arm-rest of his chair. Definitely not good signs. Snively began to break out into his usual states of shaking and perspiration. He gulped loudly and tugged nervously at the collar of his green shirt. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and managed to pathetically squeak out, “S-s-sir? Y-you requested my presence, oh Eminent One?”

Robotnik’s chair slowly turned around so that he was facing his little lackey. “Yes, Snively... I have indeed,” he said in that creepy metallic voice of his which always seemed to echo from all sides of the room. “I have called you here because I have a very important matter to discuss with you, dear boy.”

“Um, and w-what w-would that b-be, y-your magnificence?” Snively stammered. The sweat was now pouring from his face at a rapid rate and was dripping onto his uniform by ths time. Had the Hedgehog destroyed yet another army of ‘Bots? Had that nasty blue rat and his meddling band of do-gooders destroyed yet another factory? Had he just forgotten to turn in some report on time? He would soon find out...

Robotnik rose from his throne. He approached his short kin. “Snively... it has recently occured to me that you have not been meeting up to my expected standards lately. Come to think of it, you have been a great disappointment to me ever since the day I took you in as my lackey. Over the years, you have proved yourself a most terrible disgrace to both my name, as well as my empire.”

Snively began to tremble and sweat like never before. “Y-y-yessss, s-s-sirrrr,” he gulped. “And how have I failed your Immense Density this time, if I may be so bold as to inquire?”

Robotnik’s red eyes glowed. “Oh, it’s not so much your consistent failure that concerns me right now, Snively,” he said. “You see, it has come to my attention that you are just too weak in character... too cowardly... too vulnerable. And weakness is not something that I tolerate, dear nephew, not when you work for the great and evil Dr. Robotnik! Not when we are in an on-going battle of wits with the Hedgehog and those other meddling forest brats.” He paused. “To sum it up, Snively, what I’m trying to say is... I’m afraid you’re simply not quite evil enough. You’re... merely quanzi-evil. Like Coca-Cola- only one calorie... not evil enough.”

Snively blinked in confusion. I think ‘ol Lard-Bottom’s been watching “Austin Powers” far too much lately! he thought to himself, trying to hide a smirk. But than he grew nervous again. “Er, s-so are you going to dispose of me than, sir?” he gulped. “Are you going to r-r-r- roboticize me?” A loud shriek emitted from his trembling lips.

“On the contrary, Snively,” Robotnik replied, “instead of merely eliminating you, I have decided to give you a fair chance to prove yourself useful to me. In short... I have decided to enrole you in Evil School.”

Snively blinked again. “Er, come again, sir?”

“Yes, Snively, that’s right,” Robotnik said. “I’ve already made all the arrangements. You see, it’s a very special type of school applied specifically for the evilly-challenged. You’ll be taking several courses there on how to be truely evil in character, an assistant truely fit for an evil doctor such as myself. I think you’ll fit in quite nicely, Snively. They’ll turn you from a spineless worm into a cunning, maniacal snake, ruthless and rotton to the core!”

It was at that moment that Snively seriously began to wonder just what his uncle had been smoking that morning. “Er, so if I attend this- this Evil School, sir,” he slowly began, humoring his wacked-out relative, “what exactly happens if I fail all my classes?” He had a feeling he didn’t want to know.

“Which neatly folds into my little proposal, Snively,” Robotnik was saying. “If you pass all your classes by the time Evil School lets out next month, you will have finally proven your worth to me once-and-for-all... However,” he added in a threatening tone, “should you return with failing grades, than I will have no choice but to roboticize you.”

Snively gulped. Robotnik was dead serious after all. It looked like he had no choice but to go along with this plan of his. His very life was at stake here.

Robotnik grinned. “Well, dear nephew, have a nice weekend... you start school on Monday.” With that, he delivered a “friendly” slap to Snively’s face before turning away and departing, his yellow cape dramatically swirling behind him. He whistled as he left the Control Room.

Snively just stood there, blinking and wondering what the hell had just transpired.

Monday morning, 7:00 AM...

“Where’s my Snak-Pack?!”

Snively searched frantically throughout his lunch bag for his container of chocolate pudding. He had specifically ordered a SWATBot to place one into his lunch bag when it had packed his lunch the night before. But among the tuna fish sandwich, apple, and orange-juice drink, he found no Snak-Pack.

“SWEETS-ARE-FOR-THE-WEAK-AND-THE-PATHETIC,” the SWAT droned. (A/N: This was a recording by Robotnik, of course!)

Snively was fuming. “You know I like Snak-Packs; why can’t you just give me a Snak-Pack?!” he yelled, frustrated.

At that moment, Robotnik entered the cafeteria. “You already have an apple in your lunch, Snively. You don’t need any ridiculous “Snak-Pack”,” he said firmly. “Sweets are only for the sweet and the innocent. Villains don’t have sweet tooths. Now get going, or you’ll miss your hover-bus!”

“Yes, sir,” Snively growled, deciding that throwing a tantrum like a five-year-old would only degrade him. Grabbing his back-pack and his lunch bag, he stomped out of the room, pouting.

A few minutes later, Snively was standing outside on the street, outside the Death Egg. To pass away the time while he waited for his hover-bus, he boredly paced back and forth, making up a stupid song. “Back to school,” he sang, “back to school... to prove to Uncle I’m not a fool. Got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight... I hope I don’t get in a fight. Oh, back to school, back to school, back to school...”

Just than, Snively noticed the hover-bus coming towards him.

Snively sighed. “Well, here goes nothing,” he said, stepping forward and taking a deep breath... and watched, much to his dismay, as the bus flew right past him.

A frustrated Robotnik pulled up to the Evil School fifteen minutes later. He opened the front door of the hovercraft and roughly shoved Snively out. “Now if you think I don’t have anything better to do with my time than give you rides to school every morning-” he shouted.

“Thank you, sir,” Snively interrupted matter-of-factly, walking away with his back turned to his uncle, rolling his eyes.

“That’s right, you had better appreciate it! My time is precious, you know!” Robotnik screamed over the roar of the hovercraft’s engine as he took to the skies and flew out of sight.

Snively entered the building. He approached the reference desk in the main lobby. “Hello, my name is Snively Kintobor and I’m here to attend the Evil Sidekicks 101 course,” he said to the lady behind the desk.

“Straight down the hall, third door on your left, Room #10,” the lady said, pointing.

Snively thanked the woman and made his way down the hall. Upon finding Room #10, he nervously opened the door and walked in. The first thing that met his sight was all the various sidekicks and lackeys. Among the group of evil misfits, there was Scott Evil (Austin Powers), Team Rocket (Pokemon), Waylon Smithers (The Simpsons), Raticus (Flying Rhino Jr. High), Molt (A Bug’s Life), Beastly (The Care Bears), Tweeg (Teddy Ruxpin), Boris and Natasha (Rocky and Bullwinkle), Baxter Stockman (Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles), and Dibbs (Casper). Yes, quite a variety indeed.

The teacher, who just happened to be Jafar (Aladdin), glared disapprovingly up at Snively standing in the doorway. “You’re late. Not a good way to start off your first day, Mr. Kintobor.”

“I’m sorry, I missed the bus and-”

“NEVER MIND THE EXCUSES! NOW TAKE YOUR SEAT!!” Jafar roared, pointing his snake staff menacingly at the little man. Snively shrieked and raced to take his seat, which was behind Scott Evil.

“Hey, buddy, what are you in for?” Scott asked Snively.

Snively sighed. “My uncle, Dr. Robotnik, doesn’t think I’m evil enough to be his lackey. How about you?”

“Same story, dude. My old man, Dr. Evil, doesn’t think I’m evil enough to be his son.” After a pause, Scott suddenly said, after staring at the little man for a few seconds, “Hey, you kinda look like that mini version of my dad, except you actually talk and your nose is way longer!”

“WHO’S TALKING?!” Jafar suddenly screamed. He glared at the class for a few minutes before continuing. “Class, this is our new student, Snively Kintobor. Everybody say hello... or you will wish you had never been born!” he hissed in a deadly voice.

“Hello, Snively,” the class droned monotonously.

“Kindly tell us a little about yourself, Mr. Snidely,” Jafar said with a freaky grin, evilly salivating at the mouth.

“Um... actually, sir, with all due respect, it’s Snively,” Snively corrected.

At that moment, Jafar suddenly transformed into a huge black cobra and hissed threateningly at the terrified little man, who nearly pissed himself from sheer fright. “RULE #1 IN THE LACKEY FIELD, MR. KINTOBOR,” Jafar hissed, baring his fangs at Snively, “WHATEVER THE BOSS SAYS GOES! YOU WOULD DO WELL TO REMEMBER THIS, AS IT MAY VERY WELL SAVE YOUR LIFE!” With that, Jafar transformed back into his human form.

“Ohh, I hate when he does that!” James from TR whined. He continued to play with his prized bottle cap collection.

“JAMES! HOW DARE YOU NOT PAY ATTENTION IN MY CLASS!” Jafar bellowed. He rose his staff and immediately made the bottle caps vanish into thin air.

James opened his mouth and a loud wail burst forth from his lips. “NOOOO! NOT MY PRECIOUS BOTTLE CAP COLLECTION! SOME OF THOSE ARE RARE AND IRREPLACABLE!” With that, James ran from the room, crying anime tears. Jessie and Meowth just sweatdropped.

“Let this be a lesson to you, small one,” Jafar growled to Snively. “I do not tolerate those who make a mockery of my class. As long as you are in my class, you will obey my rules or suffer most severe consciquences!” He glared at the rest of the class for good measure, than said, “Very well than. Now today, class, we are going to work on maniacal laughs, a very important aspect of being evil. Just remember the most important rule to this- never allow your laugh to surpass the one whom you serve, for he is higher rank than you! Now than, I want you all to let loose your most evil laugh- and let derive directly from your evil little hearts! A proper evil laugh gives you a feeling of great power, remember.”He pointed his staff at the class. “BEGIN!”

Every student than demonstrated their own trademark laugh. Pretty soon, the room was filled with maniacal laughter, some greater than others, echoing off all sides of the roo.

Suddenly, Jafar screamed “STOP!” He reached over and grabbed Beastly by the scruff of his neck. “Do kindly demonstrate your little laugh for us all, Mr. Beastly. Entertain us all, if you please,” he said with an evil grin.

So Beastly laughed his stupid trademark little chuckle of his. “Tcha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

“Well, isn’t that cute,” Jafar smirked. He suddenly sceamed in his face, “BUT IT’S WRONG!! YOU CALL THAT AN EVIL LAUGH, YOU LITTLE FURBALL?! You... fail.” With that, the evil wizard pulled a lever and a trap-door opened up beneath Beastly. He fell down, screaming all the way.

“Holy crap,” Scott said from behind Snively. “Don’t have a heart attack, old man.” He muttered under his breath, “I’m in a fucking zoo, man. This guy’s a bigger freak than my dad.”

Jafar suddenly whipped around with his staff pointing in Scott’s face. “WHAAAT?!”

“Hey, don’t point that fucking piece of shit at me, you crazy asshole,” Scott snapped, holding up his hands.

Jafar roared in anger. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLASSROOM, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE PRICK!” he screamed as he aimed a powerful blast of invisible power at Scott with his staff, like Saruman did to Gandalf in The Fellowship of the Ring. “SEE YOU IN HELL, YOU OLD BASTARD!” Scott yelled as he was blasted right out of the window.

“Well, I guess he’s blasting off again,” Meowth snickered.

Jafar whipped around and blasted Meowth and Jessie out the window too. “LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET’S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!” they screamed as they soared out of sight.

“And now, let there be no more interuptions,” Jafar growled as he stood before the class, glaring at them all in turn.

By this time, Snively was more terrified for his life than ever. He gulped.

L.B. turned to Tweeg. “Hey, Tweed, what do you say we break early for lunch?” the red Bouncer asked.

“IT’S TWEEG!!” Tweeg screamed, jumping up from his desk and yanking his ears in frustration.

“Mr. Tweeg!” Jafar had now transformed into his genie form. “What is the meaning of this uncalled-for outburst?! Do you have something you’d like to share with the rest of the class, perhaps?”

“I WANNA TURN BUTTERMILK INTO GOLD! M.A.R.V.A.L. CAN KISS MY ASS!” Tweeg screamed. “I’LL SEND A DAMN CANNONBALL THROUGH THAT FUCKING GIMMICK’S WINDOW ONE OF THESE DAYS!”

“That was very interesting, Mr. Tweek,” Jafar said with an evil smile. “Now than, if you’ve quite finished-”

Tweeg than screamed, “IT’S TWEEG!!”, than broke out into that dumb song-and-dance routine of his. He leaped out the window like a goon, half-way through it. “Wait up, boss!” L.B. cried as he leaped out the window after him.

Snively blinked. This whole class was really beginning to scare him.

Jafar behind his desk in a huge evil-looking black throne, in his genie form, staff in hand. “Anybody else care to dare interrupt my class?” he growled.

There was the sound of gum being chewed. Jafar immediately glanced up to see the guilty Raticus with a big pink sticky wad of bubble gum all over his face. “MR. RATICUS! IS THAT GUM?!”

“Uh... is that a rhetorical question?” the foolish rat asked nervously.

Jafar grew red in the face with anger. “THERE WILL BE NO GUM-CHEWING IN MY CLASS!!” With that, he transformed back into his cobra-form and devoured the helpless little rodent.

Snively was sweating so much that his entire back felt drenched. He decided long ago not to say or do anything that would displease his teacher. He would sit back, keep his mouth shut, and do as he was asked. He saw how this evil wizard dealt with those who angered him.

The bell than rang. “All right, you fools get a fifteen minute break for lunch,” Jafar snapped. “Now get out of my sight, the whole lot of you!” The class bolted for the door like a herd of stampeding cattle.

Snively sat in the lunch-room at a table with the remaining students from his class. He was staring down at the grasshopper beside him, who was greedily eating out of a Snak-Pack container.

“I’ll bet that Snak-Pack’s pretty good,” Snively said to Molt wistfully, licking his lips.

Molt nodded, his face covered in chocolate pudding.

“Would you like to trade me your pudding for my apple?” Snively asked.

Molt shook his head and continued pigging out.

“Uh, you do realize that I’m far bigger than you, right?” Snively asked with a frown.

Molt gulped and immediately leaped away from the pudding container. Snively picked it up and said, “Hmm, well I don’t suppose it would exactly be sanitary to eat it after an insect just ate from it.” He chucked it behind him, aiming for the trash-can, but accidently ended up hitting Smithers in the face with it. “Ahem,” Smithers said with a frown, his face covered in chocolate pudding. “Do you mind watching what you’re doing, please?”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” Snively said apologetically. “Really, it was an accident.”

Smithers wiped the pudding off his face with a napkin. “Oh, it happens all the time, especially around that Simpson idiot,” he said. “I’m kind of used to that sort of thing by now.”

“So what are you here for?” Snively asked. “Does your boss believe that you’re not as evil as you should be too?”

“Yes. Actually, that’s what most of us are here for,” Smithers said. “So tell me, what’s your boss like?”

“He’s a complete dictator. He believes himself to be all high-and-mighty. He’s an arrogant old ass, he treats me like complete slime, and he happens to be my own uncle. Oh yes, and I hate the very ground he walks on,” Snively frowned. “However, I keep my true hate for my uncle a secret, for obvious reasons. I have muttered insults under my breath behind his back at the occasional time though. Every time he nearly catches what I said, I have to quickly make up some false excuse to cover it up. But most of the time, I just act like the loyal, obedient little bootlicker he expects me to be. It’s always “yes, sir” this, and “yes, sir” that. I really hate my life.”

“I sort of have the same problem,” Smithers admitted. “My boss, Mr. Burns, doesn’t exactly carry a great amount of respect for me either, despite all that I do for him 24/7. I know the feeling of being used and abused. If only he knew my true feelings for him... yes, I too have a secret emotion towards my boss. I too long to reveal my true feelings towards him. I’ve also been nearly caught admitting them to Mr. Burns several times, but fortunately I’ve always been able to think of some quick excuse to cover it up.” Smithers than suddenly broke down crying. “Oh, how these built-up feelings eat at me alive from the inside!” he moaned. “Oh, I’m tired of always feeling so frustrated!”

“There, there, my friend,” Snively sobbed, hugging Smithers. “I know your pain! I know your torment!” As the two lackeys carried on sobbing in self-pity, an object suddenly fell from Smithers’ pocket. It was a naked photo of Mr. Burns in a heart-shaped frame. Snively stared down at it, eyes wide in shock. “Um... your boss, I presume?” Snively slowly asked, quickly pulling away from Smithers in disgust. All right, so maybe I was wrong the freaked-out little man thought.

Smithers turned beat-red. “Um... you probably should ignore that,” he said.

Snively grabbed his lunch and hurried away to sit at a table by himself. Needless to say, he had pretty much lost his appetite altogether.

“All right, Mr. Kintobor, you have 10 minutes to complete your final exam!” Jafar was saying. It was six weeks later, and the end of the term. Snively just happened to be the last one alive by now, as shocked as he was to admit it.

Smithers had decided to “cheat” on Mr. Burns and had started coming on to Jafar. He was therefore eliminated for his perverted antics.

Baxter Stockman had abused bathroom privileges one-too-many times, raising his hand in class every five seconds and taking much longer than necessary. He was eliminated for interrupting and holding up the class.

Dibbs had been caught cheating on an exam. He was instantly eliminated.

Borris and Natasha had been caught making out during one of Jafar’s lectures. They were both eliminated.

Snively had been the only one to survive this term- literally. He had been extra careful not to annoy Jafar in any way, shape, or form. He had worked hard this semester and had focussed all his concentration on his “evil” studies. His only concern left was passing this final exam. If he passed the exam, he stood a good chance of passing the course. If he passed the course, than he might just finally be in solid with the Big Round Guy. If not... than his fate would be sealed anyway.

Suddenly, Jafar yelled “TIME’S UP! PENCIL DOWN!”

Snively breathed a sigh of relief. It was all over. He put down his pencil and innocently folded his hands on his desk, awaiting his teacher’s next reply.

“Mr. Kintobor, I must say I am most impressed with the tremendous effort you have displayed in my class throughout this past term,” Jafar said in approval. “You are not only the one being I have spared above all the rest, but you have not even had to sit in the corner with the dunce-cap on your head, gotten your hand smacked with the ruler, gotten a bad letter or phone call sent home to your uncle, nor have you ever been sent down to the principal’s office. Most impressive, I must say. You can be sure that your uncle will hear of your excellent behavior and accomplishments. And now you are dismissed. Off you go.”

Snively left, his spirits higher than ever. Things seemed to finally be looking up for him...

A week later, back at the Death Egg, a SWATBot brought in the day’s mail. Robotnik picked them up and started chucking them aside. “Bills, bills, bills... ah, what’s this? It would appear that your report card has just arived, Snively.”

Snively wore that same smug grin he did in the SatAM episode, Sonic Racer. “Oh, I think you’ll be quite pleased, sir,” he said proudly.

“Let’s see... your final grade was... AN ‘A-’?!”

Snively grinned, feeling quite pleased with himself. “Yes, I’m rather proud of it, sir,” he said.

“ALL YOU GOT WAS A LOUSY ‘A-’?! I EXPECTED YOU TO GET AN ‘A+’, YOU LITTLE MUTANT!!” Robotnik roared, grabbing him up by his shirt.

Snively’s spirits delated like a balloon. He was shocked. “B-b-but, sir! An ‘A-’ is still an excellent grade! It’s still an ‘A’, nonetheless! Besides, sir, I did pass the course, like you expected of me!”

“Yes, but you still could have done better, now couldn’t you?” Robotnik said calmly.

Snively gulped. He felt like crying. He had worked so hard to get good grades for his uncle and this was the thanks he got for all his hard work. “S-s-so are you going to have me eliminated or roboticized, sir?” he whimpered, hurt and fearful tears in his pale-blue eyes.

“No, Snively,” Robotnik said slowly and thoughtfully. “You did, after all pass the course like I expected of you. Instead of roboticizing you, I have decided that your punishment shall be this...”

Snively started to shake and sweat like crazy.

“No Snak-Packs for you for the rest of the month,” Robotnik said with an evil grin. “But now that you are a full-fledged villian, I don’t believe that will bother you all that much, seeing as how villians do not have time for such ridiculous things as sweets, right?”

Snively just stood there, dumbfounded. “NOOOOO!!” he wailed at the top of his lungs, all at once lying on his stomach, kicking and pounding his fists onto the floor. “THAT’S NOT FAIR! I EARNED A SNAK-PACK! I WANT A SNAK-PACK!”

Robotnik glared down at his nephew in disgust. “Well, Snively, it appears you leave me no choice...”

Snively stood in front of the black-board the next day back at Evil School. Wearing a dunce-cap on his head, he was forced to write out “I will not forget my main priorities as a villian” 1000,000 times on the blackboard, while Jafar stood behind him in his genie form, staff in hand.

Jafar than turned to Robotnik. “So are you able to attend next week’s conference?” he asked.

THE END!

Back to school for Snivvy! Well, maybe somebody will be nice and give him a Snak-Pack, huh? Hint, hint...

This has been a Shychick Production!